King Hamlet

Very Classy... Lol

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.
Yo momma so greasy Texaco buys oil from her.
Yo momma so ugly Bob the Builder looked at her and said, "I CAN'T FIX THAT!"
 

Yo momma is so poor, she cannot even pay attention

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing
Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, " We are family, even tho you are fatter than me."
Yo momma is so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
Yo momma is so stupid she brought a spoon to the super bowl.
Yo momma is so fat I tried driving around her and I ran out of fuel.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, " I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes but women at large all in the name of humour."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde says, " You stay out of this, Mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee! "

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posted a problem.
The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into the world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a coke comes out, does the coke belong to me or the machine?"

I saw a sign in McDonald's today, it said "We do not accept £50 notes",
Fuck me, if I had a £50 note, I wouldn't be eating in McDonald's.

This bloke in the pub last night was boasting that when he orgasms, he ejaculates up to a
pint of semen at a time. I found that a bit hard to swallow.

Little Bobby says to his dad, "Do you and mummy keep birds in your bedroom?"
Daddy says "No, What do you mean?", and Bobby says, "Well, last night I was passing your room, and I heard
you say to mummy, "Do you wanna swallow, or should I let it fly?"

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but they only have £500. The redhead tells the blonde, " I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for £499. Having one pound left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out it costs one pound per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word " comfortable ".
Skeptical, the operator asks, " How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word? "
The redhead replies, " She's a blonde so she reads slow: ' Come for ta bull."

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, " I had a big fight with my classmate. He called my a sissy."
The mother asked, " What did you do? "
The both replied, " I hit him with my purse! "