box_hunter

I have 1 question!!  WHY???

A strange woman looked through my window this morning and saw me watching porn and masturbating furiously. Thankfully after about ten seconds of shocked embarrassing silence the lights turned green.

For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it's in a bottle of ethanol. He then asks his students if it will dissolve. A student raised his hand to answer. Student: 'No, it most definitely will not dissolve, sir.' Teacher: 'Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?' Student: 'You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20!!'

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Preosllnay I tinhk its cmolpete nenosnese......

Martin had just received his brand-new driver's license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive" says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope" comes dad's reply "I'm gonna sit here and kick the fucking back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years!"

For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it's in a bottle of ethanol. He then asks his students if it will dissolve. A student raised his hand to answer. Student: 'No, it most definitely will not dissolve, sir.' Teacher: 'Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?' Student: 'You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20!!'

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Preosllnay I tinhk its cmolpete nenosnese......

Martin had just received his brand-new driver's license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive" says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope" comes dad's reply "I'm gonna sit here and kick the fucking back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years!"

A strange woman looked through my window this morning and saw me watching porn and masturbating furiously. Thankfully after about ten seconds of shocked embarrassing silence the lights turned green.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Preosllnay I tinhk its cmolpete nenosnese......

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere". he pleaded to the last hotel manager "Or just a bed-I don't really care where. I'm completely exhausted"
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant" admitted the manager "and I'm sure he would be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained all week. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you".
"No problem" the tired traveller assured him. "I'll take it".
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. The manager asked him how he survived.
"Never better". John said.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time".
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room" John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said "Good night, beautiful" and he sat up all night watching me".

A man was driving recklessly down the interstate one day and his girlfriend in the passenger seat was getting very upset. The man finally realised that she was not happy with his driving and said "Baby I'm sorry for driving so recklessly. I should be more careful when I have precious cargo!" The girlfriend looked at him and said "Oh, that's so sweet, baby!" Then the guy quickly corrected her "No, no! I mean the golf clubs in the back!"

Why did Michael Jackson invent the Moonwalk? It was a great way to get out of kids' bedrooms unheard.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said "This will make you happy tonight". He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him "Where am I ?" The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back "You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there".

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said "This will make you happy tonight". He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him "What's wrong?" The boy says "Me ma is dead". "Oh bejaysus" the man says. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?" The boy replies "No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment".