A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

Little Johnny replied: " They couldn't get a baby sitter. "

Computer games don't affect kids. If Pacman would have affected us as children, we would now run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music.

A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with £2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.

The husband said " I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the past 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer."

The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said " I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the £2000 in the drawer.

The husband replied " Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.

A husband says to wife: " My Olympic condoms have arrived. Think I will wear gold tonight. "

The wife says: " Why don't you wear silver and cum fucking second for a change? "

The teacher asked Little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies: " Teacher, do farts have lumps in them? "

The Teacher says: " Of course not Johnny. "

To which Johnny replies: " Then I have definitely Shit my pants. "

Lia and Mia..

A bear walks into a bar and says, " I'd like a beer............ and some peanuts. "

The bartender says, " Sure, but why the big paws? "

Q: How do you take a Sick Pig to hospital?

A: In an Hambulance!

Q: Why should you never tell a Pig a Secret?

A: Because they like to Squeal!

Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, " Yep, it's going to be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, " No, no. I just burped. "

Teacher: Why is there a Cat in here?

Kid: Because I heard my Daddy say to my Mummy, I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids are at school, so I'm saving him.

During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She was like, " What are you doing? " And I said, " Hush ", I saw this on PornHub, it's called Buffering: "

Teacher: Can anyone name three Kings that brought happiness and peace to the earth?

Student: Drin-King, Smo-King, and Fuc-King!

Was Barry White? Was Clint Black? Was George Straight? Was Marvin Gay?  Sure made Stevie Wonder....

Anna and her boyfriend walk into Annas  house and Anna said to her mom, " Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room " and her mom say, " Ok honey, you kids have fun. " When they are up their the mom hears. " Baby baby baby oh! " The mom walks to the door and asks, " What the hell is going on?" Anna says, " Mom were just having sex. " and her mom says, " Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber. "