teacher says to her class. give me a sentence . with the word fascinate   paddy stood up and said my dad had a coat with nine buttons . but it would only fasten 8   

Husband: Call Ambulance, Fast! I am having a heart attack...

Wife: ( Grabs his Mobile ) " Quick!! Tell me the password!! "

Husband: It's ok, I am feeling better now!!

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

See you next month.

A blonde rings up an airline.

She asks, " How long are your flights from America to England? "

The woman on the other end of the phone says, " Just a minute... "

The blonde says, " Thanks! " and hangs up the phone.

Man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his penis.

Lady asks, " What are you? "

He says, " I'm a fireman. "

" But you're only wearing a glass jar, " says the woman.

He says, " Exactly, in an emergency, break glass. "

Pull knob and i'll cum as fast as I can! "

Wife: " Give me some money. I want to buy a bra. "

Husband: " Why? You have nothing to put in it! "

Wife: " You wear shorts! "

A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer.

" Listen honey, " She says, " For £50. I'll do absolutely anything you want. "

The lawyer looks around, pulls 50 pounds from his wallet and says, " Paint my house "

They said the darker you were, you know, you were further away from the slave house. I learned that! The light-skinned people, they say, there was some mixing going on. Man, my family was so dark, we were two feet from freedom! We didn't even know there was a house on the plantation.

A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"

The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber.

" Maybe the list is Alphabetical, " I offered.

So he started searching from the bottom of the list: " Q..Q...Q..."

Three guys sit at a bar complaining about their wives.

The first guy says, " My wife is so stupid, she carries a garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door.

The second guy says, " My wife is so stupid, she listens to an iPod and she's doesn't have any earphones."

The third guy says, " My wife is so stupid, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a dick."

Boy: Will you marry me...?

Girl: Do you have a house...?

Boy: No...

Girl: Do you have a BMW car...?

Boy: No...

Girl: How much is your salary...?

Boy: No salary.. But...

Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can I marry you..??

Leave please..!

 

Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche.. Why I still need to buy a BMW?! How can I get the salary when actually I am the boss.

A blonde orders a pizza and is asked if she wants it cut into 6 or 12 pieces. She responds, " 6 please. I could never eat 12 pieces."

 

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to her husband, " Shut up...You're next! "

On 10/10/2017 at 6:01 AM, skippy said:

teacher says to her class. give me a sentence . with the word fascinate   paddy stood up and said my dad had a coat with nine buttons . but it would only fasten 8   

Still alive then lol. Topic still going strong mate.