need a laugh when rlc is dead #1

[Scotsman84]

7 hours ago, Max 2017 said:

They are back lol

They two are better looking and more entertaining.. LOL

[Scotsman84]

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.

" Ok, " The judge said, " Tell the court why you want a divorce? "

" Well, your Honor, " Dan started, " Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I would end up making love to her by mistake. "

" Surely there must be some difference between the two women. " the judge said.

" You better believe there is a difference, your Honor. That's why I want the divorce. " he replied.

[Pleasant]

There's nothing like being a lone wolf.

 

Unless you are at a wolf picnic and have no partner for the wolf wheelbarrow race.

[Pleasant]

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

 

Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers.

[mikeusa]

Little Johnny's Stork

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

[mikeusa]

A Problemic Polemic

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: Who knows why the heck they do anything?

[mikeusa]

My Wife and I Are Really In Sync

If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to fucking leave.

[Pleasant]

A recent poll showed that 71% of men think that women are not good at Math.

A spokeswoman said she was upset that only 34% disagreed.

[Lisa]

For all the guys who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.

 

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about there professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional." The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker." They turn to the lady and ask, "So what are you?" The lady replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

[Max 2017]

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status. "Outraged the journalist went home.

A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide this time and asked, "What has changed?"

The guide answered, "Land mines."

[King Hamlet]

So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That will be twenty dollars, lads."

"Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.

[Max 2017]

A Lord got married. After the ceremony unmarried friends went to a brothel. Unexpectedly they met the Lord there. Lord, "What are you doing here now that you are married and have a beautiful young wife?"

"Well, she was so tired and fell asleep at once. I thought it is not worth to wake her up for just a few pounds."

[Max 2017]

A man walks into a bar late at night completely knackered and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies.

"What's wrong with you?" The barman says. "In my car I've got a nymphomaniac, you couldn't satisfy her if you were there til Christmas," he replies.

"We'll see about that," says the barman and goes out to the car park.

He has been in the car with the woman for a while when there is a knock on the window and a policeman shines his torch in.

The barman jumps up and winds down the window to talk to the policeman.

"It's all right officer, I'm just shagging the wife," he says.

"Oh, "I'm sorry sir, I didn't know it was your wife" replies the cop.

The barman replies, "Neither did I til you shone your torch!"

[mikeusa]

Little Johnny's Subsitute Teacher

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school. When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, “Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter.” Johnny started laughing. An hour later he forgot her name and said, “Your name has an r after the first letter -- is it Ms. Crunt?”

[mikeusa]

Big Butt

I like a big butt, though. I like a butt so big you can sit a clock radio and a drink on it.