Blaster

R.I.P 

Let's all never forget the ravages of stigmatisation and learn from it once and for all

R.I.P to the people who lost their lives in Orlando in a truly tragic event. Let's hope they get justice.

TO THE MOMS AND DADS THE GRANDPARENTS OF ORLANDO THEY ARE GOING UP YONDER TO BE WITH THE LORD HIS MANSION HAS MANY ROOMS

First let me start by thank you blaster a member of our community some know him  some don't  RLCF is a mixture of very different people from different parts of this planet we call the world some times in the shout we don't see eye to eye  but what makes us the members of RLCF different than the outside world is we truly care about the well being of our members and in the wake of this tragedy we all fell sadden by the innocence lives lost  most of us here have seen this world evolve we've seen our kids grow and in our minds we hope we sent them out into a better world but as we know so well this world can be cruel so we hope and pray for the best and thats why most of us here feel Orlando them could have been our kids  these people woke up to a nitemare  I can't say that we as a community know how that's feels because some of us have lost that which we hold dear and some have not  so when you go to bed tonite if you can hold your wives a little tighter kiss you kids or grandkids a little longer bow your head and pray for the moms the dads the grandparents of Orlando who have lost what we hold dear OUR KIDS

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....and she's always sound asleep."

This one is for Leora...
 
One day this guy comes to work at a sex toy shop. His boss leaves for the day and puts him in charge of the shop. About an hour later a black haired lady comes in and asks "How much for your black dildos?" The guy says "30 bucks" "And how much for your white dildos?" asks the lady. Again the man says "30 bucks for the black and 30 bucks for the white" So she takes the black one and leaves. A while later a brunette comes in to the store and asks "How much for your white dildos?" The man responds "30 bucks" She asks "And how much for your black dildos?" "30 bucks for the white and 30 bucks for the black" replies the man. So she takes the white one leaves. About an hour later a Leora walks through the door and asks "How much are your dildos?" The guys says "All our dildos are 30 bucks" Then she looks up behind the man on a shelf and ask "How much for that green one?" The man responds "Oh, that one is special. That will cost you $250" The Leora agrees and takes it. Later that day the boss come back and asks "So what did you sell today?" The man says "I sold a black dildo, a white dildo , and a 2-liter of mountain dew for $250!" 

There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset, and screams, "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the dildo if you can explain our three kids." 

 

Need a laugh when Rlc is dead just look for something that Bobz has posted lol 

One day, a class of third graders from the city was taking a field trip to the country to visit a small farm. The kids were amazed to see all the different kinds of animals on the farm. So, the farmer asks one little girl, "What's the difference between a rooster and a hen?" "The hen lays eggs," replies the little girl. "Very good," says the farmer. Then the farmer asks another little girl, "What's the difference between a duck and a turkey?" "Well," replies the little girl. "Turkeys can't swim and turkeys are what we have on Thanksgiving Day." "Very good," exclaimed the farmer. Then he asks little Johnny, "Do you know the difference between a bull and a cow?"
 
                   "Yes, I do," replies little Johnny from the city. "The bulls smile when you milk them." 

If you get a hand job from someone that speaks sign language is it considered a blow job?
 
 
   One day, a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
   The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
    The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah, I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
    After supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub.
    She yells to her husband, "Hey, there's only an inch of water in the tub!"
 
                               "Yeah," the husband replies. "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet." 

IS THIS SOMETHING THAT REALLY EXCITES YOU; you need therapy if elvis makes yer dick hard. 
 
  'IT' is the most disgusting creature on rlc.

About a month after God created Adam and Eve, he decides to stop by the Garden to see how they are doing. He comes upon Adam and asks "How are thing going with you and Eve."

Adam replies, "Well, everything was going just great until a few days ago. Then Eve started getting moody and cranky. She hasn't been very cooperative and neither of us understands why. Now this morning she woke up to find blood all over her legs."

God asks "Where is Eve? I need to talk to her."

Adam replies "She went down to the river to get cleaned up."

God replies "Oh no! I'll never get that smell out of the fish."

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss?'" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.

A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."

And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a 'caress?'" So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked,"What is 'make love' Lord?'" So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.

And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache?'"

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very handy thing", God told the couple, "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that very ability." 

Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems a sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please..." On and on he went like an excited little boy who had to pee. 

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability. 

And so Adam was given the ability to urinate while in a vertical position. He was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. 

"Fine," God said looking back into his bag of leftovers, "What's left in here?
 
                                           Oh yes, 'multiple orgasms' . . ." 

I was a the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. 
    The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me...
          Then I suddenly realized that I was listening to my iPod. 
 
 
                VIKA  finally decided she needed a bra that fit properly and set out to the mall in search of one in her size.
 
  She entered an upscale department store and approached the sales lady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?" The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner.
    After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted.
Leaving the mall, she went to K-Mart.
   Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?" The lady looked closely at her and replied,
                                                   "Have you tried Clearasil?" 
 
 

One day a boy asks his dad,
"What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?" 
Dad thought for a minute and said, "Come with me."
He took his son to his mother's bedroom, where she
was sleeping nude. "Son," he whispered, "see that
brown soft furry patch? That is a pussy." 
The boy asked, "May I touch it to see how soft and
furry it is?" 
"No!" replied his father. "That might wake up the cunt

The Perfect Day for Her and for Him 

The Perfect Day for Her: 

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 

8:30 Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday 

8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants 

9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil 

10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer 

10:30 Sauna, followed by a gentle massage, facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out 

12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 

12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs. 

1:30 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit 

3:00 Nap 

4:30 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer 

5:30 Pick out expensive outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror 

7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing 

10:00 Hot shower (alone) 

10:30 Make love 

12:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 

12:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms 
========================= 

The Perfect Day for Him: 

6:00 Alarm 

6:15 Blowjob 

6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today 

7:00 Breakfast, filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee 

7:30 Limo arrives 

7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport 

8:15 DFW - Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ) 

9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club 

9:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under) 

11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens 

12:15 Blowjob 

12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under) 

2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini) 

2:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap) 

3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless)crew 

4:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1,249 lbs) 

5:00 G4 back to DFW, massage & hand job enroute by naked Kathy Ireland 

6:45 Shit, shower and shave 

7:00 Watch CNN newsflash: Clinton resigns, Hillary and Al Gore farm animal video released and authenticated. (Hillary has a secret mole, Al looks real cold) 

7:30 Dinner, lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York steak 

9:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar 

9:30 Sex with three women (preferably at least two with mixed race origin) 

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi 

11:45 Bed (alone) 

11:50 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves the room 

11:55 Sleep 

True Story.......
 
I walk into a bar and sees a donkey. I ask the bartender why is there a donkey in here the bartender says if you can make this donkey laugh I will give you ten thousand dollars. So the I whispers in the donkey's ear and the donkey started laughing. Then the bartender said if you can make the donkey cry I will give you ten thousand more dollars. So I turns to an angle where only the donkey can see and the donkey started crying. The bartender couldn't believe it so he asked me how did you make the donkey laugh then make the donkey cry? I said first I told the donkey my dick was bigger than his, than I showed him. 

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. 

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" 

Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track." 

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. 

"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom. 

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector. 

"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box." 

"What if the phone was busy?" 

"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station". 

"What if that had been vandalized?" 

"Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo." 

This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?" 

                  "Cause he ain't  never seen a train wreck."... 
 

I have a buddy stationed in Yuma, AZ. He sent me this. 

Living in Yuma, Arizona, I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT . 

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. It cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time. 

Here's the hat: 

 


It also works at Dept. of Motor Vehicles. It saved me 5 hours. 

At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running. 

If you live in Texas , it might cut your wait time at the grocery store. 

But...don't try it at McDonald's… 
 
                              The whole crew ran out the back door and I never did get my order! 

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple, and orange.
 His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat that's directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
    Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild and crazy when you were young?"
   Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah, back when I was about your age and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and fucked a parrot....
                                  I thought you might be my son.''

A man brings his alligator into the bar . . .
The bartender says "Hey you can't bring that thing in here!"
The man calmly assures him that the alligator is not be feared. However, expectedly, the bartender doesn't believe him.
So, to prove it, the man decides to perform a practiced stunt in front of the bar. "This alligator is so well trained" he says "I bet you I can put my penis in its mouth for fifteen seconds and come out unharmed." The bar people look around in disbelief.
The man proceeds to tap the alligator's mouth signaling it to open, place his unsheathed penis gently on the lower jaw, count slowly to fifteen, remove his penis, and then gently tap the alligator's mouth again signaling it to close.
The bar people look at each other in incredulity as the man actually performed the stunt with success! Applause fills the room.
The man, basking in the glory, exultantly exclaims "Anybody else in here wanna try that?"
After a short pause, the gay man at the end of the bar stands up and says "I'll try it but I don't know if I can keep my mouth open for fifteen seconds!"

This just for the proud Texan but we know him as  toolmaker123...
 
 
Dumb Texas Laws When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times. It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers. It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. It is illegal to milk another person's cow. A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer. The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.