King Hamlet

Little Susie, a six year old, complained, " Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
" That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied." You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon, her father came home complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up," That's because it's empty," she said." You'd feel better if you had something in it."

A tech company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.
A company spokesperson declared this is a major breakthrough, as woman are always complaining
about men staring at their boobs without listening to them.
 
A new study has revealed that women with big boobs are smarter than women with smaller boobs.
Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the study admits he wasn't really listening.

Signs your child is too old for breastfeeding.
 
He can open your blouse by himself.
While sucking one breast, he caresses the other.
He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.
He keeps slipping money in your belt.
He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.
Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.
After each feeding, he has a smoke.
He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.
Beard abrasions on your areola.

Two men are talking. " So, how's your sex life? "
" Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
" Social Security sex? "
" Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on."

There is more money being spent or breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
 
 
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, " Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for £1000? "
She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes.
Eventually the lady asks, " Aren't you gonna bit them? "
He replies, " No, it's too expensive."

An old man goes to church, and is making a confession:
Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old."
Father: " When was the last time you made a confession? "
Man: " I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: " Then why are you telling me all this? "
Man: " I'm telling everybody! "

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant:
Their legs.

A guy decides to do something nice for his girlfriend before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. He comes home and shows it to her. She looks at it and says, " That's great, sweetie, but what is Wy? " He tells her to rub it and as she does she sees it actually reads " Wendy ".
When they arrive at Montego Bay, the couple are walking along a nude beach and the boyfriend notices a black guy with " Wy " on his penis. He asks the man if he also has a girlfriend named Wendy.
The black guy laughs and says, " Nah, mon, mine says " Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day."
 

A man boards a plane with 6 kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, " Are all of those kids yours? "
He replies, " No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

Gift for Who?
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

Little Johnny... Salesman
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.

Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"

Johnny: "No, he's in the shower."

Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"

Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."

Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"

Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."

If your wife and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or the cinema?
 
A husband buys his wife a car for Christmas...
"I don't like it" she says, "I want something that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds."
So he comes back with a set of bathroom scales and says, "Stand on that you fat fucker!"

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another double martini.
After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another one.
The bartender says: "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martini's all night long - but you got to tell me why you keep looking in your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I will know it's time to go home."

RLC needs to request Desiree and Raul to go get a check up by a doctor because THEY FUCKING SLEEP 24/7 WTF!!!!! If you didn't know any better you would think that you are watching a couple staying at a sleep clinic. This and other RLC apartments makes the other voyeur sites look better and better.

Riley Reid:

Brianna Beach.

Romi Rain.

Envy.

Ava Addams.

Brandi Love.

Julia Ann