toolmaker123

In recent years the number of UFO sightings has dropped because of the smart phone. Their users never look up. It's pretty impressive that Beethoven could play the piano considering he was a St. Bernard. This woman's "I'm deleting my Facebook" post has 52 comments and she's replied to all of them. Not a strong start. The FBI's terrorist hotline is not a place to chat with hot terrorists. I know that now. If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved. blaster walks into the library, goes to the counter and asks, "Excuse me, where are your books about asking librarians out on a date?â€

Paul's Problem: Paul and Leora are having sex. Fifteen minutes has passed, 30 minutes, then 45 minutes. Sweat is pouring off both of them. Then Leora finally looks up at Paul and says, "What's the matter, honey, can't you think of anyone else, either?"

I heard they having a special on alligator sandwiches at DisneyLand this week; Last month it was Gorilla burgers at the Cincinnati zoo. Who says we can't feed the homeless?

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" She replied, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porsche; it's a Ferrari."

The strengths and hearts of those that have lost loved ones in this tragedy can and will be comforted when they know and come to understand the love of the Father; that God takes the innocent into His arms immediately. They are blessed to have Eternal Life now. BobZ, you say the 'best way to honor them is to make sure this will never happen again', Please give us a remedy and solutions to end all such tragedies that have been taking place all over the world for decades; This is by far not the first, and certainly not the last tragic world devastation; we will continue to endure this hatred and violence from ISIS and Islamic Radicalism & Extremists, IE.,regardless of what their titles, ( Taliban, alQueda, etc. even the most now infamous Ku Klux Klan). The world has been dealing with extreme terrors since the beginning of time when God expelled Lucifer from Heaven.(Ezekiel 28:16); (Isaiah. 14:13).

http://www.cityoforlando.net/blog/victims/

A man got on a plane and sat next to a blonde, after sitting for awhile she sneezed, took out a tissue and wiped her nose. The man not knowing her said nothing and went about his business. After about 3 or 4 minutes she sneezed again and , the same thing, wiped her nose again! Finally,the man got the nerve and curiously asked " May I ask what is wrong with you?" She says, "I'm sorry, but every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm! The man says, "Are you taking anything for it? " "Yes",she says---- "black pepper!!!!"

"I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow..." Psalm 6:6-7 Dear Father, I come before you today with a heavy heart. Sadness overwhelms me. I feel surrounded by a dense fog that I fear will never lift. Like David, "my tears have been my food day and night" (Psalm 42:3). But I know that I must come before you. I know the only cure for this despair and sorrow I feel is to be in your presence. The psalmist wrote that in your presence there is great joy. I am clinging to that promise with a white knuckled grip. Just as the psalmist cried out to you from the pit of despair, I too pour out all these thoughts and feelings at your feet. My heart hurts. My eyes sting from the steady flow of tears. My mind is filled with memories of times past, making my heart ache all the more. I need you, Lord. I need your help. I need your strength to get through even the very next moment. Forgive me for the ways I have not glorified you in my grief. I know that this sorrow I feel is not wrong, for Christ shed tears of grief at his friend Lazarus' tomb. But I also know that in my sorrow I have had sinful thoughts and feelings that I need to confess. Create in me a clean heart, O Lord. In the midst of this darkness, help me to see your light. I know that you are familiar with grief. I know that Jesus was a "man of sorrows" who "for the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2). He did that for me so that I could become your child. Thank you, Jesus for suffering and bearing my griefs. Thank you for taking on my sin. Thank you for making a way for me to come into the Father's presence. And thank you that one day, you will return and bring an end to all sorrow and weeping. Oh, how I long for that day! Maranatha, Lord Jesus! For however long this season of sorrow lasts, I pray that you would show me more of your love and grace. Help me not to run from whatever you want to do in my heart. Help me to trust that you are at work and to rest in your faithfulness. I want to say along with David, "I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul" (Psalm 31:7). Father, grant me gospel joy; help me to rejoice in Christ even as I grieve. Envelope me with the peace and comfort only you can provide. As the days move into months, may this burden lessen. As the months move to years, use me to encourage and bless someone else who must walk a similar path. Help me to point them to you as the God of all comfort. I know that you are always with me and that your love never ceases. Help me to find refuge in you and no where else. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Not much chance of seeing them here in the USA; There would ONLY be one who would have any remote chance of seeing any of the players from RealLifeCam.com. You are welcome to guess, BUT do not reveal your guesses in the OPEN FORUMS.......... revealed guesses will be IMMEDIATELY deleted. If they want to expose themselfs, so be.

Nina Hope (Web Link No Longer Available)

Another 'scripted' move by RealLifeCam.com? Early warning that Irma was returning?? And if she wanted to continue to compete she needed to step up her game. Why else would she suddenly decide, after her lengthy position, to get a marital aide? And she hides it from Paul, too. She never used one in the old apartment and now suddenly she can warrant it? What's next, a portable, automatic nose picker for Paul?

One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I have just invented the vibrating tampon. Now a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst. ================================================================================================== Rules for life 1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings". 3.) There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". 4.) People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5.) And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6.) You should not confuse your career with your life. 7.) No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8.) When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy. 9.) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 10.) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. 11.) Never lick a steak knife. 12.) Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 13.) The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. Anyone going faster than you is a maniac; anyone going slower is an idiot ! 14.) You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15.) Your REAL friends still love you anyway; a true friend will come bail you outta jail: A best friend will be sitting next to you and say, "We really fucked up this time!"

Look under his left armpits

There once was a maiden named Myrtle Who amused herself with a turtle And what was phenomenal The swelling abdominal Revealed that the turtle was fertile

Punctuationhelpsusbeabletounderstandthejokebetter whenitallrunstogetheritishardtounderstand understand??

MOBY DICK IS NOT A SOCIAL DISEASE; and neither is Grape Nuts.

Pulled quite a few in my day; with my teeth, as well as by hand

blaster and Vampire are burning a doobie down at the dock when blaster says, "Dude,..look at all that water" Vampire replies "Duuuuude,...that's just the top of it!"

One day, a class of third graders from the city was taking a field trip to the country to visit a small farm. The kids were amazed to see all the different kinds of animals on the farm. So, the farmer asks one little girl, "What's the difference between a rooster and a hen?" "The hen lays eggs," replies the little girl. "Very good," says the farmer. Then the farmer asks another little girl, "What's the difference between a duck and a turkey?" "Well," replies the little girl. "Turkeys can't swim and turkeys are what we have on Thanksgiving Day." "Very good," exclaimed the farmer. Then he asks little Johnny, "Do you know the difference between a bull and a cow?" "Yes, I do," replies little Johnny from the city. "The bulls smile when you milk them."

The Black Bra (as told by a woman) I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went..... My Engaged Friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long. The Mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night. Then I Had To Share My Story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said.... v v v v v v v "What's for dinner, Zorro?"

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Texas and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says,"Yeah. I was a salesman back in North Dakota." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how well you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says, "One". The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65". The boss says, "$101,237.65?" What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat; so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?" The kid said, "No the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot - you oughta go fishing.'

YA fergot the string

IS THIS SOMETHING THAT REALLY EXCITES YOU; you need therapy if elvis makes yer dick hard. 'IT' is the most disgusting creature on rlc.