toolmaker123

Not to mention, the smile she'll be puttin on your face, and a great feeling in your body

I think I figured her out; she could very well be fishface's mother.

My two lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for my birthday. They obviously misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."

Vampire goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating." Vampire asks, "Why?" The doctor replies, "Because, I'm trying to examine you"

There are three guys walking home from the bar wasted.. they see the Guinness World Records building down the street. They decide to go in to see if they can beat any records. Blaster says, "I've got the biggest hands", he goes in and sure enough, comes out with the Guinness book and shows his friends his new world record of biggest hands. Texl01 says, "I've got the biggest feet", he goes in and also comes out with the Guinness book showing off to his friends his new world record for biggest feet. Toolmaker123 steps up and says, "I've got the smallest penis", he goes in and comes out looking at the book disappointed and says, "who the fuck is Scotsman84?".

Yeah, they'd look like 2 bowling balls fuckin.

I don't think she likes to swallow as much as she dislikes having to clean up the mess otherwise.

UH- OHHHHHhhh uh uh uh uh uh 5:24 minutes the sounds of a Chinese porno.

Read the complete topic posts; You'll understand that, just BECAUSE, you say you'd be fuckin her 24/7 most of you talk out your ass!! Leora is a narcissistic little bitch that most times, Paul makes advances........ she either teases him, or spoils the moments by making him GO BATHE, first. This is her 'character' to be portrayed on RealLifeCam.com. Paul is such an asshole only for tolerating a bitch like her. It seems most of the men on rlc aren't men at all! Men of the West wouldn't be so gullible. Poor PUPPETS at best !

She needs some help with her face for sure.

APPLE DOES IT AGAIN Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women’s breast implants. The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their tits and not listening to them.

NOPE!

Vampire finally got promoted at McDonald's. After 25 years on the job, he was finally promoted and is now a proud assistant manager. His boss, DonPianoAgain, gave him his first assignment in that he has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack & Jill. However, Both Jack & Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and assistant manager Vampire goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a real problem." "Okay, little Vampy, what is it?" she playfully asks. "I can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off,................... what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the Vaseline, I'm going home!"

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large bowl of delicious ruby red apples. The head nun had posted a note very near the apple bowl that said: "Take only ONE. Remember, God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A mischievous little boy had written his own note and placed it very near the cookie tray, "Take all you want. God is busy watching the apples."

I could point out that, to judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract men.

BTR has been riding motorcycles for more than 25 years and is finally sick of fixing 'em. He quits his job, buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets his groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, BTR is just finishing his dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there's a big, bearded Vermonter standing there. "Name's Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge.. I's ahavin' a party Saturday night...thought you'd like to come." "Great," BTR says, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." Just Enoch is leaving he stops. "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem after 25 years of Harley riding, I can drink with the best of em'." Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too." "Damn!", BTR thinks, "gonna be a tough crowd...really sounds like the Redwood Run." "Well," he says, "I get along real well with people. Still, I'll be there. Thanks again for inviting me." Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some really wild sex go on at these parties too." "Now that is definitely not a problem," says BTR excitedly, "Remember, I've been up here alone for six months. I'll definitely be there! By the way...what should I wear to the party?" Enoch turns and says, "Doesn't matter, just gonna be the two of us."

This is a joke for you to finish: Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers. He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do." Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said, "Lordy!!! It's 2016 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?" What is your best guess as to the punchline?

A woman on a bus is suddenly overcome with the urge to break wind. She tries to let go a little squeaker, but instead lets loose a loud, disgusting blast. The entire bus goes silent, and the embarrassed woman desperately tries to think of something to say to the man sitting next to her. “Um…do you have a transfer ticket?†she finally asks. “No, I don’t, †he replies. “But when we pass the next tree, I’ll try to grab you a handful of leaves.â€

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar: One complained to the other, "Boy, business really fuckin' sucks. If don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass!" Too late", as he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies to her for his use of such bad language. "That's okay," the blonde replied, "I'm a stripper, and I have a very similar problem, If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car!"

My stomach just made a really weird noise. I’m sending in a secret mission pizza to check it out.

Texl01 sent his clothing out to a new Chinese laundry but when it came back there were still stains on his lacy panties. So the following week he enclosed a note saying, "Please use more soap on my panties." The next day when he picked up his next load of laundry there was a note on it saying, "Please use more paper on ass."

OKAY- Let's see; um, bags packed, check; airline ticket, check, animals fed, check, cat out, check................ Now where'd I put that 5 gallon bucket of blue pills ? (I expect my erection to last more than four hours.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, debbieja

Vampire is driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he sees an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo if he would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the old man got into the car. Resuming the journey, Vampire tried - in vain - to make a bit of small talk with the old Navajo. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown paper bag on the seat next to Mike. "What in bag?" asked the old man. Vampire looked down at the brown bag and said, "Oh, it's a nice bottle of wine; I got it for my wife." The Navajo was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said, "Good trade!â€

Who says building a border wall won’t work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don’t have any Mexicans.