toolmaker123

Udder Gloryholes

So, they gonna wait til there's Minimal activity? That could be any time then...........

Would you watch CB together? Probably not; then why watch rlc together? It's kinda watching personal lives unfold. I'd think there'd be quarrels if invited. My opinion? Let secrets be secrets........... Who knows, it might add a bit of spice; then she'll really wonder what you've been doing behind her back.

A new car; go look in yer driveway. OH shit; it's not there? Someone steeled it already

Mommy and Daddy

RUBBBBY doooooooby doooooooo!!

Why are married women fat and single women skinny?

I don't think as much a 'wardrobe malfunction' as a "GET New Memberships" For rlc .

The ever famous "Butt Cheek, pussy lip exposed pose" on the sofa.

Bigfoot is a truck

SCOTSMAN had been feeling down for a very long time So he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, laid on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among lifelong losers."

OPTIMISM IS GOING AFTER MOBY DICK IN A ROWBOAT AND TAKING THE TARTAR SAUCE WITH YOU.

Scotsman, define Optimism

Trump calls India's Prime Minister and finds out that all calls are recorded to ensure quality customer service

What do an Arkansas divorce and a Texas tornado have in common? Someone's gonna lose a house trailer

My wife ordered me to go to my doctor to get those little pills that 'help' me get an erection. You should have seen the look on her face when I came home and handed her some diet pills. I'm still looking for a place to stay.

Patient prep for a proctology exam Dinner at Taco Bell.

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

12 condoms for 99-cents at the dollar store Because you just can't put a price on peace of mind!

Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!

I went to a job interview the other day They asked me, "What do you think is your biggest weakness?" "I'm too honest", I replied. "I think we'd like that", the interviewer told me. "I don't give a fuck what you think.", I told him.

Golf: The only sport where foursomes are encouraged, you can show off your wood, you can wash your balls in public, and it's OK to have a stiff shaft.

man received the following text from his neighbor: “I am so sorry Charlie. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.” The man, anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: “Damn autocorrect. I meant ‘WiFi’’.

An American Patriot is riding his Harley by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?' The biker replies, I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican. The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH ...and THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days...