toolmaker123

Miss Johnson went to her doctor and said to him: I's jest don't know what to do doctor. The Dr said, "Well Miss Jones I am not sure how to answer that, what do you mean?" Miss Jones replied, "Well, doctor theys advertise about mini-pads, maxi-pads, tampons and I's jest dunn't know what to use." The doctor asks, "Well, Miss Johnson, what kind of flow do you have?" After giving the doctor a questioning and puzzling look Miss Jones replies, " Linoleum in the kitchen, carpeting in the living room!"

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I might wanna be a pig.) A cockroach will live nine days without its head--------------- before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be on the bottom of a pond that's so tasty?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Women all take notice to this one.) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to find that out.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? ---------Do the dolphins know about the pig?) ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. I told them, "RIGHT, anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!â€

'OLD' IS WHEN.... Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!' 'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.. 'OLD' IS WHEN... A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. 'OLD' IS WHEN... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 'OLD' IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police 'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting lucky' means you're able to find your car in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. 'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all niter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I drink some beer. I call this the Heineken maneuver. The technical term for the very bottom of a banana is the "bananusâ€. What’s it called when you have decided to stop eating cold turkey sandwiches? I want a coffee so rich and bold it has a cabin in the woods where it hunts humans for sport. I just Tokyo drifted my shopping cart into the checkout line and now all the moms in this grocery store want to have an affair with me. We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not. [overheard at a murder trial] LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife's life support for five minutes? COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works. Now that there are no phone booths anymore, Superman just changes in abandoned Blockbusters. People say "life's a journey, not a destination," because the destination is death. The journey sucks too. Anyway, to the bride and groom! I just had the biggest bowel movement of my life, then turned around and the toilet was empty. Needless to say, I completely lost my shit. Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we’re regretting that decision. Why bother drinking water? You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know. *me cooking* 1. Read directions on box. 2. Throw box away. 3. Pull box out of the trash 15 seconds later. 4. Repeat. Weird how TV characters hardly watch any TV. WHAT DO WE WANT? AN END TO AUTO-CORRECT ERRORS! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? COW!!!! I'd be willing to bet male porn stars don't find themselves in many tight spots very often.

The children had all just been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it one day when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer now,' or “That’s Michael, he's a doctor now.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher................ She's dead now."

I just bought the best toilet paper--------------------------- There's a drawing of the Obama on it and you get to color him in!

Static electricity is an imbalance of electric charges within or on the surface of a material. The charge remains until it is able to move away by means of an electric current or electrical discharge. For modeling the effect of static discharge on sensitive electronic devices, a human being is represented as a capacitor of 100 microfarads, charged to a voltage of 4,000 to 35,000 volts. When touching an object this energy is discharged in less than a microsecond: Are you still having a little trouble understanding this? If so, see the photo below. I hope this helps!

I always wondered; can vegetarians eat animal crackers? ============================================================================================== Why is it when people ask: "What three things would you bring with you to a deserted island?" , No one ever replies, "A BOAT...? ================================================================================================= I kinda had a hunch it might have been a scam when a guy came to the door yesterday asking for a donation for the widow of the Unknown Soldier.

I used to watch golf on TV, but my doctor said I needed more exercise. Now I watch tennis on TV.

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they "discuss" her "rating," which is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, "I'd give her a 7. She's really quite pretty." Another agrees, and so does the third. The bartender, while bringing a new round of drinks to their table, overhears their rating of the young lass. He checks her out himself and says, "Nah, I'd only give her a 3." "A 3? How can you give her a 3?" says one of the three guys at the table. "She's a real pretty girl." The bartender, walking away, says, "Well, I use the Budweiser method for rating women." The guys look at each other, figure the bartender has lousy taste in women, and go back to their ratings. Moments later, another young lady, prettier than the last, walks into the bar, and they confer between themselves and decide she deserves a 9. However, the bartender, wiping off the table nearest to theirs, again overhears their rating of the gal. He checks her out himself and tells the fellows that he'd only give her a 5. "A 5? How can you give her just a 5? She's absolutely gorgeous!" The bartender casually replies that he uses the Budweiser method for rating women. "The Budweiser method?" they puzzle, as the bartender returns to his post behind the bar. They are quite confused. Three, maybe four minutes pass by, and then a stunning blonde, 5'11" goddess walks into the bar. Long luscious legs, sexy shape. Truly a work of flawless perfection. Without hesitation, the three "judges" at the table determine that this young sultress is, without any doubt, a 10. However, carrying a case of beer pass them to restock the supply behind the bar, the bartender once more overhears their rating of the girl. He glances studiously at her, and says that the best, the very best that he could give her, would be a 7. "A 7? How in the world could you give her just a mere 7? She's gorgeous!" "Well," says the bartender again, "I use the Budweiser method for rating women." "Budweiser!" says one of the guys, exasperated. "What in the Hell is this 'Budweiser method' for rating women?" "Well, says the bartender, "the Budweiser method for rating women, is the number of Clydesdales it would take to pull me off her."

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year,You could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also." They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and she says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one!" The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same old cow!!

Blaster was in court in front of a judge for a shoplifting trial, and the judge was trying to explain to him, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers." Blaster thought for a moment. Then he asked, "What are my peers?" The judge says, "They"re people------- just like you ------ your equals." "Forget it," retorted Blaster. "I don"t want to be tried by a bunch of dysfunctional, live at home schizophrenics!!!"

Irony at it's best: A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. Not very long," answered the Mexican. "Well, then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...I have a full life." The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise." "How long would that take?" asked the Mexican. "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American. "And after that?" "Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!" "Millions? Really? And after that?" "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take siestas with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

Look at her fotos of when she first arrived to RealLifeCam.com; she really was much nicer. She eats constantly, all the wrong foods and has begun to store it in her ass.

You have nothing to worry for; you are a long ways from A Legend!

You really believe that'll happen in front of her husband?

Don't fergit Leora doin the faker tats; on her legs and arms. Just as bad; such a putz!!

The only true form of birth control is to stick with suck and swallow...........

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It is the belief of the viewers that RealLifeCam.com is not available to the tenants in the countries they reside; It keeps them safer from predators. We think that the tenants may have access to the numerous forums; we have seen some rapid reactions to comments and posts made about them. Some time ago, it was discussed that Leora got on a forum panel and defended the nose-picker; I've searched for the history of those conversations, to no avail.

I agree; look to the luxury apartment the newest couple, Stesha and Marco have now. Wondering if this mean Leora and Paul, and Maya and Stepan might wind up homeless.

They are in FACT married; can't tell you what she ever saw in him; there are old photos of them when they were courting. They used to be in the gallery but have since long disappeared. Yulia has a degree of some sort; Pascha is in the military reserves and it appears he does home based computer techs or electronicals repairs. I think RealLifeCam.com has an ifinity to couples dating being tenants after the likes of Efukim and Diana and Taya and Yarik's domestic violence affairs. Chance are the remaining couples, possibly with the exception of Carla and Mario, are in fact married couples; that includes Nina and Kira......... we saw their wedding dress.

It's all there; we tried to encourage others to make complete profiles, Some just need a gun to the head. Thank you for completing yours!.

WE will be sorry to see you leave the forum, Robwin; we;ve had some good times here. The Moderators only deleted the topics and reprimanded the members that were making rude and abusive comments to other members. If you miss reading fight words and the hate mail, there is another forum that tolerates that kind of behavior. The Administrators have seen fit to allow a report system: please, if someone has offended you or any other members, made rude comments Let a Moderator know through a private message. Really hate to see you depart from RealLifeCamFan.com, buddy!

ME!! I have a problem with her narcissistic, Prideful attitude. I've been around women like her; they are terrible people. She's always lookin in the mirror to see if her cottage cheese ass is still there. I would BUTT FUCK her though, just to get her off'n her pedestal.