You're so ugly the only dates you get are on a calendar.
You're the reason they invented double doors.
Fake hair, Fake nails, Fake smile. Are you sure you weren't made in China?
Mirrors can't talk, and lucky for you they can't laugh either.
Behind every fat woman there's a beautiful woman. No seriously, you're in the way.
You're so ugly, you had tinted windows on your incubator.