box_hunter

My mate called my Ex a slut. I replied "Mate, that's harsh, I think volunteer prostitute is more appropriate".
--
My wife woke me up late last night and said "I can hear some banging downstairs". I said "I'm surprised you can remember what it sounds like".

THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A WOMAN SAY
-"What do you mean today's our anniversary?"
-"I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.
-"Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'".
-"The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday".
-"Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way".
-"I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow".
-"I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"
-"That was a great fart! Do another one!"
-"God... if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
-"I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house".
-"Can we not talk to each other tonight?"
-"I'd rather just watch TV".
-"It's way tooo biggg, that'll never fit in my tight..."
-"Ohhh, this diamond ring is way too big!!"
-"I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class".
-"And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!"
-"Honey, does this outfit make my ass look too small?"
-"Damnit, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there".
-"Is that phone for me? Tell those fuckers I'm not here".
-"That was fun! When will all of your friends be over to watch football again?"
-"Honey, come here! Watch me do a Body Shot off of my hot friend Stephanie"
-"I'm tired of cuddling!"
-"You're so sexy when you're hungover".
-"I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too".
-"No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed".
-"Your mother is way better than mine".
-"I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress".
-"Hey, pull my finger!"
-"Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
-"I think hairy butts are really sexy".
-"Let's subscribe to Hustler".
-"I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping".
-"Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
-"I'm wrong. You must be right again".

My mate called my Ex a slut. I replied "Mate, that's harsh, I think volunteer prostitute is more appropriate".
--
My wife woke me up late last night and said "I can hear some banging downstairs". I said "I'm surprised you can remember what it sounds like".

A born-and-bred New Yorker is in the country when he sees a field of animals and says to the farmer. "What a strange looking cow. Why doesn't it have horns?" "Well, there are several reasons" the farmer replies "Some cows get their horns late, while others have their horns cut off, and still others never even grow horns". "And this cow?" the city man asks. "Well, the reason this cow doesn't have any horns is that it's a horse".

THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A WOMAN SAY
-"What do you mean today's our anniversary?"
-"I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.
-"Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'".
-"The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday".
-"Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way".
-"I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow".
-"I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"
-"That was a great fart! Do another one!"
-"God... if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
-"I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house".
-"Can we not talk to each other tonight?"
-"I'd rather just watch TV".
-"It's way tooo biggg, that'll never fit in my tight..."
-"Ohhh, this diamond ring is way too big!!"
-"I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class".
-"And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!"
-"Honey, does this outfit make my ass look too small?"
-"Damnit, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there".
-"Is that phone for me? Tell those fuckers I'm not here".
-"That was fun! When will all of your friends be over to watch football again?"
-"Honey, come here! Watch me do a Body Shot off of my hot friend Stephanie"
-"I'm tired of cuddling!"
-"You're so sexy when you're hungover".
-"I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too".
-"No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed".
-"Your mother is way better than mine".
-"I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress".
-"Hey, pull my finger!"
-"Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
-"I think hairy butts are really sexy".
-"Let's subscribe to Hustler".
-"I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping".
-"Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
-"I'm wrong. You must be right again".

My mate called my Ex a slut. I replied "Mate, that's harsh, I think volunteer prostitute is more appropriate".
--
My wife woke me up late last night and said "I can hear some banging downstairs". I said "I'm surprised you can remember what it sounds like".

A born-and-bred New Yorker is in the country when he sees a field of animals and says to the farmer. "What a strange looking cow. Why doesn't it have horns?" "Well, there are several reasons" the farmer replies "Some cows get their horns late, while others have their horns cut off, and still others never even grow horns". "And this cow?" the city man asks. "Well, the reason this cow doesn't have any horns is that it's a horse".

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon. The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?" The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?' So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face". The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye?" "Turns out we watch different movies".

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon. The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?" The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?' So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face". The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye?" "Turns out we watch different movies".

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon. The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?" The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?' So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face". The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye?" "Turns out we watch different movies".

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon. The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?" The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?' So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face". The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye?" "Turns out we watch different movies".

What a dope...

Don't think this person passed there test. 

A couple of the Barcelona girls out doing a spot of shopping??

AN OBITUARY
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
-Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
-Why the early bird gets the worm;
-Life isn't always fair;
-And maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally lost the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death:
-by his parents, Truth and Trust,
-by his wife, Discretion,
-by his daughter, Responsibility,
-and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers:
-I Know My Rights
-I Want It Now
-Someone Else Is To Blame
-I'm A Victim
- ay me for Doing Nothing
Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A couple of the Barcelona girls out doing a spot of shopping??

Don't think this person passed there test. 

Isn't this a regular occurance every weekend in B1 or B2

Isn't this a regular occurance every weekend in B1 or B2

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write".

Don't think this person passed there test. 

Don't think this person passed there test.