box_hunter

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere". he pleaded to the last hotel manager "Or just a bed-I don't really care where. I'm completely exhausted"
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant" admitted the manager "and I'm sure he would be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained all week. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you".
"No problem" the tired traveller assured him. "I'll take it".
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. The manager asked him how he survived.
"Never better". John said.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time".
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room" John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said "Good night, beautiful" and he sat up all night watching me".

A man was driving recklessly down the interstate one day and his girlfriend in the passenger seat was getting very upset. The man finally realised that she was not happy with his driving and said "Baby I'm sorry for driving so recklessly. I should be more careful when I have precious cargo!" The girlfriend looked at him and said "Oh, that's so sweet, baby!" Then the guy quickly corrected her "No, no! I mean the golf clubs in the back!"

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him "Where am I ?" The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back "You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there".

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said "This will make you happy tonight". He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him "Where am I ?" The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back "You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there".

TV execs are said to be delighted at the viewing figures for the final of the Great British Bake Off 2019 of 7.1 million. That's 1.1 million more than the legendary Great German Bake Off of '44.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said "This will make you happy tonight". He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

I have 1 question!!  WHY???

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him "What's wrong?" The boy says "Me ma is dead". "Oh bejaysus" the man says. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?" The boy replies "No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment".

I have 1 question!!  WHY???

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him "What's wrong?" The boy says "Me ma is dead". "Oh bejaysus" the man says. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?" The boy replies "No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment".

A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriend's house and the girlfriend said to her mum "Mum, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room" and the mum says "Okay honey, you kids have fun". When they are in the room, the mum hears "Baby baby baby oh!" The mum walks to the door and ask "What the hell is going on?" The girl says "Mum were just having sex". And the mum says "Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber".

I have 1 question!!  WHY???

I have 1 question!!  WHY???

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him "What's wrong?" The boy says "Me ma is dead". "Oh bejaysus" the man says. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?" The boy replies "No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment".