mikeusa Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 : We'll Be Together I'm coming back. And when I get back, then we'll be together forever -- forever and ever and ever -- until death. Even beyond -- beyond death: two souls enmesh as one soul! One soul floating for all of eternity in the great abyss, the aftermath, that which remains unknown to all who dwell in the trappings of mortal flesh, until the final passing!' Anyway, that's what I left on her answering machine. She hasn't called back yet. leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 At the Door Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in. leon34, King Hamlet and delta10 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Senator Cornyn on Same-Sex Marriage I'm not making this up -- he goes 'Now if your neighbor marries a box turtle, that doesn't affect your everyday life. But that doesn't mean it's right.' I think it's pretty safe to assume that, at one point or another, Senator John Cornyn has thought about making love to a box turtle. I'm sorry, but that's not the first animal you jump to when you're writing that analogy. leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of the casino. Suddenly a very attractive blonde woman enters and bets £20,000 on a roll, saying: " I hope you do not mind, but I feel very lucky when I play naked." With that, she unbuttons the zipper, takes her dress and underwear off, throws the dice and yells: " Come on baby, mama needs new clothes! " She looks with agony and as soon as the dice stops, starts jumping up and down screaming: " YES, YES, YES I WON! " She embraces one to one of the dealers, taking her profits and clothes and disappears. The guys are looking dumbfounded and each other. Eventually, one asks: " Did you see what dice she rolled? " " I don't know, I thought you were watching! " delta10, Lisa, Alexander1951 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. " There is a blind man to see you," she says. " Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and about 10 minutes later the man interrupts: " That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds." Shadow V, Max 2017, delta10 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 A store that sells husbands has just opened where a women may go to choose a husband among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shop ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping centre to find a husband. On the first floor the sign reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, " That's great, but I wonder what's further up? " So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The women remarks to herself, " That's great too, but I wonder what's further up? " And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. " Hmmm, better" she says. " But I wonder what's upstairs? " The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. " Wow! " exclaims the women, " Very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up! " And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking. help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. " Oh, mercy me! But just think.... What must be awaiting me further on? " So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. delta10, Lisa, Shadow V and 5 others 5 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 A Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. He spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning " I ", pointed to his knee meaning " need ", then moved his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The man on the 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, " What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a handsaw! " The other guy says, " I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming! " Chucky, King Hamlet, delta10 and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Create an account to see this content! Chucky, Max 2017, Shadow V and 2 others 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Create an account to see this content! Hell Yeah. Chucky, Shadow V, Lisa and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Create an account to see this content! delta10, Shadow V, Lisa and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Create an account to see this content! Max 2017, Shadow V, Lisa and 2 others 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Create an account to see this content! Max 2017, Chucky, Shadow V and 3 others 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Create an account to see this content! Max 2017, Chucky, Shadow V and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow V Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 3 hours ago, Scotsman84 said: Will remember that next time I am late for meeting boyfriend. Max 2017, Lisa and Scotsman84 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Create an account to see this content! Lisa, delta10, King Hamlet and 2 others 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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