mikeusa Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!" leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Conor, Chucky, King Hamlet and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Conor, Shadow V and Chucky 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Shadow V, Conor, King Hamlet and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Shadow V, Chucky, Max 2017 and 2 others 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I think as marriages go, we're doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day! Nearly on Monday Nearly on Tuesday Nearly on Wednesday Nearly on Thursday Nearly on Friday Nearly on Saturday Nearly on Sunday King Hamlet, Shadow V, Conor and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: " Emily wake up! You know what just happened!? " " No, she replies sleepily. " I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I'm getting super powers! " Emily replies groans: " Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!! " Shadow V, King Hamlet, Conor and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conor Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 5 hours ago, Scotsman84 said: Create an account to see this content! Have been in that situation more than once haha King Hamlet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conor Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Wife: Why are you home so early? Husband: My boss told me to go to hell. Max 2017 and Shadow V 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conor Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asks the stewardess. The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain that to you." Max 2017, Shadow V, Scotsman84 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two." "I agree." "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Anything father." "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours." "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" "I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh father, may I touch it?" This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life." "Is that true father?" "Yes it is, sister." "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get the hell out of here." leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 A guy's talking to a girl in a bar.He asks her, "What's your name?"She says, "Carmen."He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?"She says, "No, I named myself."He says, "Why Carmen?"She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?"He says, "Beerfuck." leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends." delta10 and leon34 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive." leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. delta10 and leon34 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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