need a laugh when rlc is dead #1

[Scotsman84]

" A French couple, an Italian couple, and a Polish couple go out to dinner. The French husband says to his wife " Pass the honey, honey. " The Italian man says to his wife " Pass the sugar, sweety. " The Polish guy, not quite understanding the situation, says to his wife. " Pass the Bacon you fat fucking pig. "

[Scotsman84]

Wife: " How would you describe me? "

Husband: " ABCDEFGHIJK.

Wife: " What does that mean? "

Husband: " Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot. "

Wife: " Aw, thank you, but what about IJK? "

Husband: " I'm Just Kidding! "     

 

[CowArt]

1 inch: Are you fucking kidding?

2 inches: I can't even hold it properly.

3 inches: I have never been so unsatisfied in my life.

4 inches: I've had bigger.

5 inches: Good, but not good enough.

6 inches: About right.

7 inches: Can't complain.

8 inches: Fucking perfect.

9 inches: A bit much.

10 inches: It's hurting my insides.

11 inches: I can't take it anymore.

12 inches: I'm absolutely fucking destroyed. 

And this is how I rate my subway sandwiches.

[Scotsman84]

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business and the other was named Trouble, One day the boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking under cars until a police man approached him and asked, " What are you doing? " " Playing a game, " the boy replied. " What is your name? " the officer questioned. " Mind Your Own Business. " Furious the policeman inquired, " Are you looking for trouble! " The boy replied, " Why, yes. "

[Scotsman84]

My sister asked me to take off her clothes. So I took off her shirt. Then she said, " Take off my skirt." So I took off her skirt. " Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. " Now take off my bra and panties. " So I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, " I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

[Scotsman84]

Two guys are playing golf. The woman in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.

So one man says to his friend, " I'm going to ask those ladies if we can play through. "

He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

He replies, " One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them? "

So the second man starts to walk over. He gets half way there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks, " Now what happened?

To this he replies, " Small World. "

[Scotsman84]

My wife was always after me to go shopping with her.

Then I began wearing my favourite T-Shirt.

She doesn't want me to go shopping with her anymore. Now she takes her mum or her sister..  

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[CowArt]

What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex?

"Honey, I'm home!"

[Scotsman84]

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

" I have an interesting case here, " he says. " A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped. "

" Have you arrested her? " asks the sergeant.

" No, not yet. The floor's still wet. "

[Scotsman84]

A wife hangs up after about half an hour on the phone. The husband is surprised, " Wow, that was quick - usually you girls are at it for two hours at least! "

" Yeah, well, it was a wrong number. "

[Scotsman84]

What a Dumbass.. Lol

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[Scotsman84]

LOL

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[Scotsman84]

Honey I'm Home.

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[Scotsman84]

One day during a family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father:

- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

Dad turns to his wife and gives her a question:

- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million £?

- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, says his wife.

Dad turns to his teenage daughter:

- Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million £?

- Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over my bedroom walls.

Dad turns to his oldest son Raul and asks:

- Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million £?

Eldest son thinks a little and replies:

- Why not? Imagine what I could do with the money. So yes, I would.

Then Dad turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains to him:

- You see, Paul, Potentially we are sitting with Multi Millionaires but in Reality we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay...

 

[Scotsman84]

From Paul to Leora.

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