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need a laugh when rlc is dead #1

skippy

By skippy
in World Outside

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Scotsman84
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Zander
Zander

A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has

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THINGS YOU WILL NEVER, EVER HEAR A WOMEN SAY

"You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me".
"I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!"
"This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gangbang".
"Don't get up, I like sleeping in the wet spot".
"Don't dirty up your t-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse".
"That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch porno's again?"
"I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter Tracy".
"You're my daddy, you're my daddy!"
"The new girl in my office is a stripper, I invited her over for on Friday".
"Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!"
"While you were in the bathroom, Eagles kicked another goal. You're tipping is looking good this week!"
"Bar food again!? Kick ass!"
"I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class".
"That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her".
"I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more".
"I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's Day!"
"Let's just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore".
"I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?"
"It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers".
"Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!"
"I hate spending money on stupid shit we don't need".
"My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends".
"I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again".
"Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch".
"You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!"
"You are so much smarter than my dad".
"If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sportscenter".
"I'll swallow it all. I love the taste".
"What do you mean today's our anniversary?"
"Are you sure you've had enough to drink?"
"Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV".
"I signed up for aerobics so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you".
"Ohh, this diamond is way too big!"
"Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your mates?"
"... and for our honeymoon we're going on a fishing trip!"
"You're so sexy when you're hungover".
"Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'".
"Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
"Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there".
"Let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses".
"Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here".
"I'll be outside mowing the lawn".
"I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress".
"I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too".
"Honey, the neighbour's daughter is sunbathing again - come see!"
"I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
"You need your sleep you big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings".
"Man... if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"

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