I'm not saying my wife is ugly.... But on Halloween she went to tell the neighbours to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.

 

I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.. it's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.

 

Halloween is easily the scariest night of the year, what with the dead rising from their graves... And fat girls thinking they look sexy dressed as cats.

Last Halloween there was a knock on the door. I looked out the window then shouted upstairs to my wife, "Honey there's a witch at the door. What should I do?"

She shouted back, "Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost."

My mother-in-law hasn't spoken to me since.