Blonde Jokes

[Vaz]

Tired of constant blonde Jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then decided to go for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. "Hey, shepherd, if I can guess how many sheep are here, can I have one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!". He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick one. "I'll take this one", she says proudly. "It's the cutest!". "Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I can guess your real hair colour, can I have my dog back?".

[Vaz]

There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win.... They kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back. "A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!" 

[Vaz]

A blonde was home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise outside. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car. 

"Did you see their face?", Her friends asked when she came back inside.

"No, but it's ok, I got the license plate number!". 

[Scorpio 22]

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette all enter the International Breast Stroke Swim across the English Channel. After about 8 hours the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead. No sign of the blonde.

After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore. They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink. After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says, "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!" 

[Scorpio 22]

A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds. A neighbour noticed her repeated trips and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.

Blonde replies, "My computer keeps telling me I have mail. 

[Scorpio 22]

A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire!" 

[Scorpio 22]

16 blondes are standing outside a bar. Why didn't they go in? The sign said 18+.

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night. "Do you have any kids?" She asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have a son that's just under two. "She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is." 

[Wazzer]

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car.

The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

"No!", yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, no!", says the blonde.

Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!" 

[Wazzer]

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver turned to her friend and said, "You know, it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!". To this, the other blonde replies, "I know, and if I could swim, I'd go out there and drown her." 

[Johnny]

A guy goes into a house of prostitution.

He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, then gets undressed.

She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarm rings!

She runs out the room, with his $200 still in her hand.

He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her.

He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so goes outside looking for her.

By this time the fire brigade are there.

He sees a fireman and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"

The fireman says, "No!"

The guy replies, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for. 

[WhySoSerious?]

A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She called the police immediately to report the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch. The sight of the cop and his dog made her shudder. She put her face in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began moaning. "What's the moaning all about, Ma'am?", asked the officer. The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"

 

[WhySoSerious?]

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check", and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" The man paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the man returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house." 

[Scotsman84]

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[Scotsman84]

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[Scotsman84]

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