King Hamlet

A couple returns from honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom's best friend takes him aside and asks what's wrong? "Well, replies the man, When we finished making love on the first night, I put $50 bill on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," says his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years." "That's not the problem", the groom says. "She gave me $20 change!"

Two guys are out fishing and one guy just got back from his honeymoon.
Friend: "How was the honeymoon?"
Married guy: "Awe was all right did a lot of fishing, and well you know how I like to fish."
Friend: "Well didn't you fuck?"
Married guy. "Oh no she had gonorrhoea, and well you know how I like to fish."
Friend: "Why didn't you just roll her over?"
Married guy: "She had diarrhoea, and well you know how I like to fish."
Friend: "Well didn't you at least get a blow job?"
Married guy: "No no she had pyorrhoea, and well you know how I like to fish."
Friend: "Well what the hell did you marry her for?"
Married guy: "Well she had worms, and well you know how I like to fish."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back in its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. Its too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts it back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. 30 minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars,
The little boy says, "Grandfather, you already gave me five dollars.
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

Find it laughable that some call Masha fake (which she is) but watch "Queen Leora" and think she's not being fake. 

Jacqueline Bisset

Foo Fighters 

Diane Lane 

Masha and Dasha only if Dasha lets it happen but threesome won't happen.

What Masha, Sasha and Dasha should be doing. LOL

Have been in that situation more than once haha

Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: " Emily wake up! You know what just happened!? "
" No, she replies sleepily.
" I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I'm getting super powers! "
Emily replies groans: " Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!! "

I think as marriages go, we're doing absolutely awesome, I mean I
get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
 
Nearly on Monday
Nearly on Tuesday
Nearly on Wednesday
Nearly on Thursday
Nearly on Friday
Nearly on Saturday
Nearly on Sunday