King Hamlet

A guy is walking around in a supermarket yelling "Cris-co, Cris-co?" A store clerk says to him "Sir, the Crisco is in Aisle 5". He says "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco, I'm calling my wife". The clerk says "Your wife is named Crisco'?" He says "No, I only call her that in public". The clerk says "What do you call her when you're home?" He says "Lard ass".

Two guys are standing in line to enter heaven. One turned around and asked the other how he died. " I froze to death. How about you? " " I had a heart attack. " " How did that happen? " " Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So after work I went straight home. I ran upstairs to find my wife sleeping by herself. Then I ran back downstairs and looked in all the hiding spots. When I was running back up the stairs, I had a heart attack. " That's Ironic." " Why? " " If you would've looked in the freezer, we'd both be Alive. "

There's a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, " Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead. "

If you ever fart in public, just yell, " Turbo Power! " and walk faster

A little boy was in the bath with his mom. The boy said, " What is that hairy thing, mommy? " She replied, " That is my sponge" " Oh yes, " said the boy, " The babysitter has got one too. I've seen her washing dads face with it. "

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. " Well, " says Bubba, " every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. it works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half asleep, said, " Bubba? Is that you? "

Something I have in common with Mariah Carey- 
I don't know the words to her songs either.

Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. " I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane, " said the judge. Mickey replied. " I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking Goofy! "

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. " Do you want a bag? " the cashier asks. " No, " the guy says, " She's not that ugly. "

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. " What is that? " he asked. She said. " I visited the tattoo shop today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo ' Merry Christmas, ' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed ' Happy New Year, ' Perplexed, he asked, " Why did you do that? " " Well. she replied, "now you can't complain that there's nothing to eat between Christmas and New Year! "

One day, there was two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman washing bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took of running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, " My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran. "

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife while in bed.
Husband: " Can I try going through your back door tonight? "
Wife: " Fuck That Shit! "
Husband: " That's the Spirit! "

My Girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying;
" helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative "
Does anyone know what " ternative " means?

Had a great time watching Fifty shades of grey with my Girlfriend at the cinema. The film was terrible but the reaction of the people sitting in front of us after I flicked mayonnaise on them was Hilarious..  

3 reasons why you should get a £100 note tattooed on your Penis.
1. You can play with your money.
2. You can watch it Grown.
3. Every Woman loves to blow Money.

Chinese man phones Boss " me no work I sick " Boss says " when I feel sick I fuck my wife try that "
2 hours later Chinese man phones back " Me better, you got nice house.

At a family breakfast a conversation takes place between a dad and his 7 year old son.
Son.. Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?
Dad.. They're balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she'll fly to heaven.
Son.. Really? Because Uncle Frank was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying " Oh God, I'm coming " but she didn't float away anywhere!

If you look it up they recommend that you don't drink the tap water in Russia and in some regions the tap water is pretty terrible.
Uk the tap water is fine.

It's just the same people talking about the same Apartments all the time and you wonder why it's empty a lot of the time.

Do see where some of you are coming from. Have been watching for a few days and does look like the same 2 or 3 apartments being talked about.

You will have a better laugh here, some of us know how to have a laugh and banter. Try visiting the Chatbox at different times if possible to see if you will enjoy it or not. Either way enjoy.

The chatbox talk is mostly about Barca 1 and 2 apartments plus KK apartment. The chatters are the same few talking the same crap. If you don't talk their talk then you will be ignored or get fed up and walk away (or should I say run away). Over 1 and 1/2 years ago the chatbox use to be more friendlier, fun and a great social site to chat with others around the world about anything. It was a "look forward to" place to continuously connect with individuals and groups for a great time. Now the chat is very limited and discouraging to even participate. Too much personal stuff about tenants, chatters making up stories about tenants actions, constant demand that the girls have open sex, talk of drug use, being prostitutes or escorts, mafia connection, Russian involvement and more. Most of us voyeurs just want to enjoy seeing beautiful women naked, dressed sexy or the occasional sex. 
Because of this we have asked RLCF Admin to add another chatbox or replace the chatbox with a better design to enable older members to happily participate in the chatbox again (Admin is looking into getting an improved chatbox). Too many are frustrated and have even left RLCF altogether. The apartment forum posts are not used as much like CC. The two differences between CC and RLCF - CC uses forum posts but chatbox rarely ever used while RLCF uses chatbox but limited forum posting. Due to the poor chatbox topics for discussion and the behavior of chatters that is why there are less RLCF members logged in at any given time.
We miss the chatbox and how awesome it use to be - a great social fun way of chatting online with many jumping in to join the friendliness and welcoming atmosphere. The talk was fluid and about anything (all the apartments or whatever).
    So Shadow V, welcome aboard to RLCF and give it a chance and observe the differences between CC and RLCF. You will see members posting in the forums but not participating in the chatbox because they have backed away from the chatbox (most of us here prefer RLCF over CC because their site is frustrating to navigate through it and due to some bad members there).

Omg that is disgusting