King Hamlet

A little boy catches his dad looking at porn and asks him, " Dad, what's that between the guys legs? "
The father says, " That's his third leg."
Then the little boy asks, " What about that lady? "
The father says, " That's her second mouth."
The little boy thinks for a while and says, " Is that why guys walk so fast and women talk so much? "

Three woman are sitting and talking about the best soda pop based nicknames for their boyfriends. One girl says, " My boyfriend is like 7-up because he can keep it up all week."
The next girl says, " Oh yeah? My boyfriend is like Mountain Dew because he can do me on top of my mountains any day."
The last woman says, " You can call my boyfriend Jack Daniels."
Another girl protests, " You have to compare him to a pop. That's a hard liquor."
The last girl replies with a wink " Exactly."

One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.
The teacher asked, " Johnny, what are you doing? "
Then, Johnny said. " It hurts down there."
" Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home ", said the teacher.
A little while later, Johnny came back to class and sat back down.
Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick hanging out his pants.
The teacher said, " Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants? "
Then Johnny said, " My mummy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."

Three friends decided to bet each other £100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex.
They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream.
The next day they meet up. The first friend says, " I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 and a half hours."
The second friend says, " That's nothing, I start licking my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming the whole time and half an hour after."
The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for 10 minutes, I came a couple of times I wiped my cock on the curtains and she is still screaming."

Angry Girlfriend
She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself -- which is a nice thing to do -- but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry -- that picture was just for dad.'

Little Johnny asks his father for a £200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father says, " We have an £80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a £200 bike this year."
Two days later, Little Johnny walks out the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he is leaving.
Johnny says, " Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out, and mummy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and i'll be damned if i'll get stuck with an £80,000 mortgage! "

American Beer & Canoeing
Q: What do American beer and having sex in a canoe have in common?
A: They're both fucking close to water.

Little Johnny... Know It All
Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"

A man is making sweet love to his wife. He looks over to the doorway and sees that his son is watching. The boy runs off so the man tells his wife, "I should go talk to him."
The man goes to his son's room to find him nailing Grandma. The father yells, " What the fuck?"
The boy replies, "No so funny when it's your mum, now is it?"

" Hello, is this the FBI? "
" Yes, how can we help you sir?
" I'm calling to report my neighbour Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
" Thank you very much for the call sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open ever piece of wood, but can't  find any marijuana.
They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
Hey, Billy Bob did the FBI come? " said his best friend.
" Yeah! "
" Did they chop your firewood?" His best friend replied
" Yep."
" Happy Birthday, Buddy! ", his friend replied.

A man walks into his doctor's office. His doctor tells him, " Your wife's results came back positive. I can't remember if it was AIDS or Alzheimer's though."
The man replies, " That's not very helpful. Can you just test her again? "
The doctor replies, " How about you leave her in the middle of a forest and if she finds her way home don't fuck her."

A female cop pulls over an old man and his wife. She asks the man for his license and registration. He asks his wife, " What did she say? "
 His wife replies, " She asked for your license and registration dear. " He hands the officer what she asked for.
The police woman then says, " Oh you're from New York? I used to have a lover from New York. But he was a terrible lover."
The man asks his wife, " What did she say? "
His wife replies, " She thinks she used to know you."

Two girls, one blonde and one brunette, are walking down the street and they see an attractive guy. They strike up a conversation with him and notice he has dandruff. After they part ways the brunette tells the blonde, " We should give him Head & Shoulders."
The blonde replies, " How do you give shoulders? "

A man walks up to a house and knocks on the door. A woman answers the door and the man shouts, " Do you have a vagina? " The woman slams the door in his face. He knocks again and asks the same question, this time she replies, " Go away! " This continues for hours.
The woman tells her husband about this and he decides to stay home the next day. Sure enough they see the man coming to the door. The husband hides and his wife answers the door. The man yells, " Do you have a vagina? " The woman answers Yes. Then the man tells her, " Does your husband know that? Maybe if he did he would stop using my wife's. "

A man goes to Japan on business and hires a prostitute for the night. He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, " Gama Su! Gama Su! ", Knowing she has been satisfied he does to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, " Gama Su! Gama Su! "
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, " What do you mean wrong hole? "

A blonde, a brunette, and a red headed mother are talking about their daughters. The brunette tells them, " I found cigarettes in my daughter's room, I can't believe she smokes! "
The red head said, " I know, I found some beer in my daughter's room, I couldn't believe it! "
The blonde says, " That's nothing! I found condoms in my daughter's room. I never knew she had a penis! "

A man goes to church and tells the priest, " Father, I almost cheated on my wife."
The priest asks him, " How do you almost cheat on your wife?"
The man says, " Well, me and the woman were naked but we just rubbed against each other."
The priest looks at him disgusted and says, " Rubbing is the same as putting it in. Never do it again, say 5 Hail Mary's and put £100 in the donation pan."
The next time the priest sees the man he is infuriated, " You didn't put £100 in the pan! "
The man looks at the priest disgusted and says, " I rubbed the money against the pan, and rubbing is the same as putting it in."

A man wakes up hard out of a deep sleep and nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we play it on, eh?"
She replies, "I have an appointment with the gynaecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So I husband agrees and rolls back over and started to go back to sleep.
A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "But you don't have any dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"

Good to see we have new girls instead of bringing girls back again. 

Fresh meat is always a treat but time will tell. 

There is an Ignore List.  All you do is hover your Mouse Pointer over the Members Avatar. Once their Box Pops Up there will be 3 Entries at the Bottom.   Message, Ignore User or Find Content.

The bullshit some of you come out with in the Chatbox is unbelievable, I thought members at CC were crazy but some of you make Julia and Kitty seem normal. They pills that you are given you are to take them for a reason. 

Should have that here and have it apply to the Chatbox as well.

Should have that here and have it apply to the Chatbox as well.