King Hamlet

Ever notice how so many of women's problems can be traced to the male gender?
 
1) MENstruation
2) MENopause
3) MENtal breakdown
4) GUYnecology
5) HIMmorrhoids.

Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night.
The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."
The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."
The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife."
The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to Little Johnny and said, "Lets talk I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"Ok", said Little Johnny. " That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first."
" A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. I have no idea."
"Well then," said Little Johnny, "How is it you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
 

I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.
I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."
 
What has a slice of toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?
In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.
 
My boss said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower."
"No, just your daughter's head," I replied.

I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow."
The next day she came in wearing black!
When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: She really loves me underneath it all.

One day Little Timmy caught his mum and dad having sex.
Little Timmy asks his dad, " Can I join you? "
His dad asks, " Can your dick touch your ass? "
Timmy replies, " No."
" Then no," Dad replies.
Later on he catches his dad looking at porn.
Timmy asks, " Can I look with you Daddy? "
His dad asks again, " Can your dick touch your ass? "
" No."
" Then no."
Later that night Little Timmy is eating cookies.
His dad walks into the kitchen and asks, " Can I have a cookie? "
Timmy asks, " Can your dick touch your ass? "
His dad replies, " Yes."
" Then go fuck yourself these cookies are mine! "
 

What is the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?
 
At 8: You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48: She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78: What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell.... She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

A man bursts into his house and yells, " Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery! "
She says, " Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains? "
He replies, " I don't care.... Just get the hell out! "

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts,"Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Relief

Anita Dickinme
Annie Position
Barry McDikkin
Ben Dover
Clee Torres
Dixie Normus
 

See how many words can make from Real Life Cam.
 
Female.

Fondest Childhood Memory
My fondest childhood memory is I made out with my babysitter, Cathy. She stops in the middle of everything: 'We have to stop this. I feel like such a whore.' 'Why? I'm not paying you -- my parents are! Come here!'

Little Johnny... Big Word
The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?"

Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"

The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?"

Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."

The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Johnny says, "No, ma'am, you're thinking of a blow job. I'm talking about jerking off."

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriends kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
 
A box of condoms, please.
That'll be £3.99. Do you want a bag?
Nah I'm ok. She's actually quite pretty.

A man pulls up his car at a red light next to a woman in her car. He opens his windows and glances at the woman. The woman also opens the window and looks at him questioningly.
The man smiles and says: " Ah, you too? Gas is a bitch, isn't it."

Childhood is when you go to the toilet in the night and then you run back and jump in your bed, glad that the monster under the bed didn't get you.
Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you.
 
At a medical check-up:
Do you do dangerous sports?
Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
" Simple," grins the millionaire, " I faked my age. "
His friends are really amazed and ask him how old he said.
" Well", he replied. " I said I was 87! "

Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: " I didn't had no fun for months." Then she faces the class and says, " Ok class, how should this be corrected? "
Little Johnny says, " I think you should get yourself a better man! "
 
Little Johnny was asked, ' What would you like for your birthday? '
He said, " Tampons please. "
" Tampons!? Why do you want tampons for your birthday!? "
He replied, " I saw a great TV ad. With a tampon you can go swimming, biking and skiing. "

Amazing how quick some of you change opinion on someone, even having a avatar of her. Pathetic. 

Yes.
Have you ever broken anything while having sex?

Amazing how quick some of you change opinion on someone, even having a avatar of her. Pathetic. 

Welcome to RLC my friend..LOL

She is no different even tho some of you think she's some sort of superstar.. lol She is full of herself and enjoys the sound of her own voice.