Satan

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped in to help. He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
On a date.
Me - "I get to work with animals all day"
Her - "Aw how sweet! What do you do?"
Me - "I'm a butcher."

I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job" but if you're doing it at home your "destroying evidence".

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it's ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch. 

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped in to help. He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
On a date.
Me - "I get to work with animals all day"
Her - "Aw how sweet! What do you do?"
Me - "I'm a butcher."

I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job" but if you're doing it at home your "destroying evidence".

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it's ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch. 

My guess is @Flume means fucking between them and a male. Either way not much I would of thought. No chance of a bed breaking that's for sure. 

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped in to help. He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
On a date.
Me - "I get to work with animals all day"
Her - "Aw how sweet! What do you do?"
Me - "I'm a butcher."

I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job" but if you're doing it at home your "destroying evidence".

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it's ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch. 

I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job" but if you're doing it at home your "destroying evidence".

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!" 

I was digging in our back garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run and tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden. 

LOL.