Scotsman84

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He too the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out in tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, ' You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. ' Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death.'

An 85 year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, " Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. Well doc, it's like this-- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! " You asked your neighbour?" The old man replied, " Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Will it have a bar and dancers? LOL

No fruit or veg is safe. LOL

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps a towel around herself and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, " I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After few seconds, Bob hands her the $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, " Who was that?" " It was Bob the next-door neighbour," she replies. " Great," the husband says, " did he say anything about the $800 he owes me? " Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Exactly. They should masturbate because they want to not because they feel they need to for what ever reason. Leora, Masha and Kitty might as well be on Chaturbate. Watching people living their routine lives...... Whatever.