box_hunter

I think you need to stop

Really

Paddy and Murphy are on a desert island, been there for almost 2 weeks. Not a scrap of food around, and both are near death from the hunger. So, after much exploration, they find a cave with a big locked door and a thick glass window. Through the window they see years' worth of food and supplies waiting for them. Unfortunately they cannot open the door, which makes them break down in despair. At that point, a smelly witch appears from nowhere with a loud pop. "Well isn't this nice" says the witch. "I've got men begging at my door... and I'm as horny as a mule". Paddy and Murphy took one look at the witch and both shuddered. The witch continued "If you of you two fine looking men will take the pleasure of 'doing me' I will unlock this door and you can eat to your hearts content". The guys look at each other, and decide that it's better than starving to death. Both are not okay with being the man who will fuck her however, as her smell is vile in an extremely messed up kind of way. After drawing the short straw, Murphy has got the task of doing her. The witch, with a wicked glint in her squinty eye, leads him away from the door around a large bush. The witch turns away, giggles "Oh you better be good!" and leans forward. As she does this, she drops her stinking knickers, which are covered with a strange yellow lumpy goo, which is dripping from her unwashed nether regions. Murphy reels backwards, and thinks that there is no way on God's Green Earth that his cock was placed on this island to enter that crawling acid pit of a minge. 'Hang about' thinks Murphy 'she's facing away from me, what if I use something else?' He spies a small branch from the nearby bush, and quietly snaps it off. He then carefully pushes it up, deep into her cavernous vagina. The witch immediately starts moaning. After 2 minutes of this, the witch totally oblivious that she's being frigged by a stick, is loving it and goes to get up. Quickly, Murphy pulls the stick out, which is absolutely covered in thick lumpy yellow puss, and chucks it over the bush. "Ohh that was nice" says the witch "but I wanted it better. You've gotta go harder than that if you want that food!" With that, the witch bends back over. Murphy goes back to the bush, and snaps off a thicker branch, then quickly rams it up her stanky box. After 3 minutes of ramming it up her yellow puss-pipe and her moaning in pleasure, she goes to get back up again. Murphy, as quick as ever, pulls the branch out, covered in yellow puss lumps, and chucks it over the bush. The witch stands up, albeit shakily and says "That was almost there, but I'm after that bit of ommmph before you eat". She again leans forward expectantly. 'Right. Fuck this' thinks Murphy and pulls out the biggest branch from the bush, 4 inch diameter, and charges it up her infested yellow hole. After 4 minutes of ramming, and the witch singing in ecstasy, she collapses on the floor in a heap. He pulls the branch out, which is dripping disgustingly, and throws it over the bush. The witch gets up rather dizzily, and drops a key in his hand. "Cheers pet" and with that, she was gone. Murphy runs around to the locked door, where Paddy is sitting. "Paddy, Paddy, I got the key, we can eat, we're saved!" "Fuck the food locker" says Paddy "I want more of that corn on the cob that you've been throwing over".

HOW TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT WITH WOMEN IN THE MODERN WORLD She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE she is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT She is not a BAD COOK she is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY she is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED She is not CONCEITED she is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES She does not GAIN WEIGHT she is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER She does not TEASE or FLIRT she engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION She is not DUMB she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY She is not TOO SKINNY she is SKELETALLY PROMINENT She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE she is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS she is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT She has not BEEN AROUND she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME she commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE She does not GO SHOPPING she is MALL FLUENT She is not an AIR HEAD she is REALITY IMPAIRED She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED She does not get FAT or CHUBBY she achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY She is not COLD or FRIGID she is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP she has reached COSMETIC SATURATION She does not NAG YOU she becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE She does not want to be MARRIED she wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. "Private" the officer said "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses". "Warehouses!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"

A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book. The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?" The wife replied "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier". The husband said "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages.

http://www.vidiload.com/17844/fixing-dent-with-dildo/ Maybe the girls at B1 or B2 could get a part time job

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered "You've got to keep that old motor running". The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said "You've got to keep the old motor running". The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said "You must be quite a man". He responded "You've got to keep that old motor running". The nurse then said "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black".

Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"

Patient asks his doctor: "Can I take a bath with diarrhoea?" Doctor: "Yes, if you are able to fill it up".

So true.

A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea".

Someone has had a shit night on the town

Not so undercover

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!"

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady. After the wedding, he laid down the following rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not".

At the cinema a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was fingering herself furiously. He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so the man started fingering her like crazy. When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. Wasn't I good enough?" he asked sheepishly. "Great" she said "but these crabs are still itching!"