box_hunter

I say give it another 6 months

Bloke goes to the doctor complaining that his dick has turned orange. "I've never seen anything like that" says the doc "What do you do for a living?". "Oh I'm unemployed" says the bloke. "So, what do you do all day?" asks the doc. "Sit at home watching porn and eating cheezels"

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
-Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
-Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
-If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
-Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
-Get in the shower.
-Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
-Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
-Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
-Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
-Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
-Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair..
-Shave armpits and legs.
-Turn off shower.
-Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
-Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
-Get out of shower.
-Dry with towel the size of a small country.
-Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
-Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
-Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
-Walk naked to the bathroom.
-If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
-Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
-Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
-Get in the shower.
-Wash your face.
-Wash your armpits.
-Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
-Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
-Wash your hair.
-Make a Shampoo Mohican
-Wee.
-Rinse off and get out of shower.
-Partially dry off.
-Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
-Admire willy size in mirror again.
-Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
-Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
-If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
-Throw wet towel on bed.

Donald Trump was asked what the J stood for in Donald J Trump. He said "Genius"

A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed off. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem. All he says is "All lawyers are cunts!" A man sitting in the corner shouts "I take offense to that!" The pissed-off guy asks him "Why? Are you a lawyer?" He replies "No, I am an cunt".

The sales girl at the sex shop didn't bat an eyelid when a customer purchased an artificial vagina. "What are you going to use it for?" she asked. "That's none of your business" answered the customer, beetroot red and thoroughly embarrassed. "Calm down sir" smiled the sales girl "the only reason I'm asking is that if you're going to eat it, then there's no GST".

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says "Mas-tur-bate". Miss Rogers smiles and says "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful". Sarah says "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

MATHEMATICS
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
This is a strictly... mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And,
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.

A woman had been on the game for four years and was worried about the size of her pussy on her wedding night, so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence. After an hour in bed with her he said "how far across the field were you before you realised it was caught?".

A woman had been on the game for four years and was worried about the size of her pussy on her wedding night, so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence. After an hour in bed with her he said "how far across the field were you before you realised it was caught?".

Nothing beats a good old dad joke!!
 
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says: "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel.
 
🤣🤣