box_hunter

Yep that looks very safe!!

Yep that looks very safe!!

lol
 

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted".
The angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said "Look at these! They're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity".
The angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven".
Dolly was outraged and asked "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
"Sorry, Dolly" said the Angel "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair!"

A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest "I'm pregnant". He asked "How did this happen, my child?" She said "I think it must be the second coming". The priest, shocked by this reply asked "What makes you think it's the second coming?". She replied "Because I swallowed the first one".

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted".
The angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said "Look at these! They're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity".
The angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven".
Dolly was outraged and asked "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
"Sorry, Dolly" said the Angel "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair!"

A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest "I'm pregnant". He asked "How did this happen, my child?" She said "I think it must be the second coming". The priest, shocked by this reply asked "What makes you think it's the second coming?". She replied "Because I swallowed the first one".

Three drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said "We have reached your destination". The first guy gave him money and the second guy said "Thank you". The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the third guy knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The third guy replied "Watch your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

Another one that probably didn't pass the test...

 
I want to know this happened.  It would be one amusing video I think.

how-to-fail-the-breathalyser.mp4

Another one that probably didn't pass the test...

 
I want to know this happened.  It would be one amusing video I think.

Another one that probably didn't pass the test...

 
I want to know this happened.  It would be one amusing video I think.

Another one that probably didn't pass the test...

 
I want to know this happened.  It would be one amusing video I think.

how-to-fail-the-breathalyser.mp4

Only 1 or 2...  I thought it would have been at least half of the male population in both RFC and VHTV that need to start taking this pill STAT!!

how-to-fail-the-breathalyser.mp4

how-to-fail-the-breathalyser.mp4

how-to-fail-the-breathalyser.mp4

Only 1 or 2...  I thought it would have been at least half of the male population in both RFC and VHTV that need to start taking this pill STAT!!

THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A WOMAN SAY
-"What do you mean today's our anniversary?"
-"I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.
-"Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'".
-"The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday".
-"Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way".
-"I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow".
-"I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"
-"That was a great fart! Do another one!"
-"God... if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
-"I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house".
-"Can we not talk to each other tonight?"
-"I'd rather just watch TV".
-"It's way tooo biggg, that'll never fit in my tight..."
-"Ohhh, this diamond ring is way too big!!"
-"I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class".
-"And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!"
-"Honey, does this outfit make my ass look too small?"
-"Damnit, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there".
-"Is that phone for me? Tell those fuckers I'm not here".
-"That was fun! When will all of your friends be over to watch football again?"
-"Honey, come here! Watch me do a Body Shot off of my hot friend Stephanie"
-"I'm tired of cuddling!"
-"You're so sexy when you're hungover".
-"I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too".
-"No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed".
-"Your mother is way better than mine".
-"I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress".
-"Hey, pull my finger!"
-"Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
-"I think hairy butts are really sexy".
-"Let's subscribe to Hustler".
-"I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping".
-"Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
-"I'm wrong. You must be right again".

THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A WOMAN SAY
-"What do you mean today's our anniversary?"
-"I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.
-"Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'".
-"The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday".
-"Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way".
-"I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow".
-"I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"
-"That was a great fart! Do another one!"
-"God... if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
-"I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house".
-"Can we not talk to each other tonight?"
-"I'd rather just watch TV".
-"It's way tooo biggg, that'll never fit in my tight..."
-"Ohhh, this diamond ring is way too big!!"
-"I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class".
-"And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!"
-"Honey, does this outfit make my ass look too small?"
-"Damnit, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there".
-"Is that phone for me? Tell those fuckers I'm not here".
-"That was fun! When will all of your friends be over to watch football again?"
-"Honey, come here! Watch me do a Body Shot off of my hot friend Stephanie"
-"I'm tired of cuddling!"
-"You're so sexy when you're hungover".
-"I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too".
-"No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed".
-"Your mother is way better than mine".
-"I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress".
-"Hey, pull my finger!"
-"Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
-"I think hairy butts are really sexy".
-"Let's subscribe to Hustler".
-"I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping".
-"Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
-"I'm wrong. You must be right again".

A born-and-bred New Yorker is in the country when he sees a field of animals and says to the farmer. "What a strange looking cow. Why doesn't it have horns?" "Well, there are several reasons" the farmer replies "Some cows get their horns late, while others have their horns cut off, and still others never even grow horns". "And this cow?" the city man asks. "Well, the reason this cow doesn't have any horns is that it's a horse".

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon. The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?" The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?' So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face". The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye?" "Turns out we watch different movies".

I got my girlfriend a "Get better soon" card.
She's not ill or anything, but she could definitely get better.
 
I told my girlfriend to come with me to the gym. Then I stood her up.
Hopefully, she'll realise the two of us are not going to work out.