box_hunter

I'm going on holiday tomorrow so I changed my Facebook status: "I can't wait to get to Las Vegas and spend all my money on the sluts". My wife commented "You spelt 'slots' wrong. Silly xxx". That's why I married a blonde.

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says "This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $100 as long as you can say it in three words". The guy replies "Hey, why not?" He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $100 on the bar, and says slowly "Paint... my... house".

Man say to his wife: "I have a problem at work..." Wife: "Hun, now that we're married, you don't say you have a problem you say we have a problem". Man: "Okay, we've knocked up our secretary..."

I'm going on holiday tomorrow so I changed my Facebook status: "I can't wait to get to Las Vegas and spend all my money on the sluts". My wife commented "You spelt 'slots' wrong. Silly xxx". That's why I married a blonde.

I do enjoy her lax underwear policy.  Only if some of the other residents did the same thing..

THINGS YOU WILL NEVER, EVER HEAR A WOMEN SAY
"You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me".
"I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!"
"This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gangbang".
"Don't get up, I like sleeping in the wet spot".
"Don't dirty up your t-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse".
"That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch porno's again?"
"I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter Tracy".
"You're my daddy, you're my daddy!"
"The new girl in my office is a stripper, I invited her over for on Friday".
"Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!"
"While you were in the bathroom, Eagles kicked another goal. You're tipping is looking good this week!"
"Bar food again!? Kick ass!"
"I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class".
"That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her".
"I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more".
"I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's Day!"
"Let's just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore".
"I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?"
"It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers".
"Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!"
"I hate spending money on stupid shit we don't need".
"My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends".
"I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again".
"Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch".
"You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!"
"You are so much smarter than my dad".
"If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sportscenter".
"I'll swallow it all. I love the taste".
"What do you mean today's our anniversary?"
"Are you sure you've had enough to drink?"
"Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV".
"I signed up for aerobics so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you".
"Ohh, this diamond is way too big!"
"Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your mates?"
"... and for our honeymoon we're going on a fishing trip!"
"You're so sexy when you're hungover".
"Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'".
"Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
"Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there".
"Let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses".
"Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here".
"I'll be outside mowing the lawn".
"I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress".
"I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too".
"Honey, the neighbour's daughter is sunbathing again - come see!"
"I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
"You need your sleep you big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings".
"Man... if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"

THINGS YOU WILL NEVER, EVER HEAR A WOMEN SAY
"You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me".
"I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!"
"This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gangbang".
"Don't get up, I like sleeping in the wet spot".
"Don't dirty up your t-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse".
"That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch porno's again?"
"I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter Tracy".
"You're my daddy, you're my daddy!"
"The new girl in my office is a stripper, I invited her over for on Friday".
"Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!"
"While you were in the bathroom, Eagles kicked another goal. You're tipping is looking good this week!"
"Bar food again!? Kick ass!"
"I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class".
"That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her".
"I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more".
"I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's Day!"
"Let's just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore".
"I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?"
"It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers".
"Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!"
"I hate spending money on stupid shit we don't need".
"My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends".
"I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again".
"Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch".
"You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!"
"You are so much smarter than my dad".
"If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sportscenter".
"I'll swallow it all. I love the taste".
"What do you mean today's our anniversary?"
"Are you sure you've had enough to drink?"
"Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV".
"I signed up for aerobics so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you".
"Ohh, this diamond is way too big!"
"Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your mates?"
"... and for our honeymoon we're going on a fishing trip!"
"You're so sexy when you're hungover".
"Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'".
"Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
"Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there".
"Let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses".
"Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here".
"I'll be outside mowing the lawn".
"I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress".
"I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too".
"Honey, the neighbour's daughter is sunbathing again - come see!"
"I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
"You need your sleep you big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings".
"Man... if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"

THINGS YOU WILL NEVER, EVER HEAR A WOMEN SAY
"You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me".
"I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!"
"This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gangbang".
"Don't get up, I like sleeping in the wet spot".
"Don't dirty up your t-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse".
"That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch porno's again?"
"I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter Tracy".
"You're my daddy, you're my daddy!"
"The new girl in my office is a stripper, I invited her over for on Friday".
"Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!"
"While you were in the bathroom, Eagles kicked another goal. You're tipping is looking good this week!"
"Bar food again!? Kick ass!"
"I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class".
"That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her".
"I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more".
"I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's Day!"
"Let's just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore".
"I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?"
"It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers".
"Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!"
"I hate spending money on stupid shit we don't need".
"My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends".
"I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again".
"Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch".
"You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!"
"You are so much smarter than my dad".
"If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sportscenter".
"I'll swallow it all. I love the taste".
"What do you mean today's our anniversary?"
"Are you sure you've had enough to drink?"
"Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV".
"I signed up for aerobics so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you".
"Ohh, this diamond is way too big!"
"Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your mates?"
"... and for our honeymoon we're going on a fishing trip!"
"You're so sexy when you're hungover".
"Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'".
"Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
"Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there".
"Let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses".
"Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here".
"I'll be outside mowing the lawn".
"I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress".
"I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too".
"Honey, the neighbour's daughter is sunbathing again - come see!"
"I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
"You need your sleep you big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings".
"Man... if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"

Really

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. "Private" the officer said "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses". "Warehouses!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"

Paddy and Murphy are on a desert island, been there for almost 2 weeks. Not a scrap of food around, and both are near death from the hunger. So, after much exploration, they find a cave with a big locked door and a thick glass window. Through the window they see years' worth of food and supplies waiting for them. Unfortunately they cannot open the door, which makes them break down in despair.
At that point, a smelly witch appears from nowhere with a loud pop.
"Well isn't this nice" says the witch. "I've got men begging at my door... and I'm as horny as a mule".
Paddy and Murphy took one look at the witch and both shuddered.
The witch continued "If you of you two fine looking men will take the pleasure of 'doing me' I will unlock this door and you can eat to your hearts content".
The guys look at each other, and decide that it's better than starving to death. Both are not okay with being the man who will fuck her however, as her smell is vile in an extremely messed up kind of way. After drawing the short straw, Murphy has got the task of doing her.
The witch, with a wicked glint in her squinty eye, leads him away from the door around a large bush.
The witch turns away, giggles "Oh you better be good!" and leans forward. As she does this, she drops her stinking knickers, which are covered with a strange yellow lumpy goo, which is dripping from her unwashed nether regions. Murphy reels backwards, and thinks that there is no way on God's Green Earth that his cock was placed on this island to enter that crawling acid pit of a minge.
'Hang about' thinks Murphy 'she's facing away from me, what if I use something else?' He spies a small branch from the nearby bush, and quietly snaps it off. He then carefully pushes it up, deep into her cavernous vagina. The witch immediately starts moaning.
After 2 minutes of this, the witch totally oblivious that she's being frigged by a stick, is loving it and goes to get up. Quickly, Murphy pulls the stick out, which is absolutely covered in thick lumpy yellow puss, and chucks it over the bush.
"Ohh that was nice" says the witch "but I wanted it better. You've gotta go harder than that if you want that food!" With that, the witch bends back over. Murphy goes back to the bush, and snaps off a thicker branch, then quickly rams it up her stanky box.
After 3 minutes of ramming it up her yellow puss-pipe and her moaning in pleasure, she goes to get back up again. Murphy, as quick as ever, pulls the branch out, covered in yellow puss lumps, and chucks it over the bush. The witch stands up, albeit shakily and says "That was almost there, but I'm after that bit of ommmph before you eat". She again leans forward expectantly.
'Right. Fuck this' thinks Murphy and pulls out the biggest branch from the bush, 4 inch diameter, and charges it up her infested yellow hole. After 4 minutes of ramming, and the witch singing in ecstasy, she collapses on the floor in a heap. He pulls the branch out, which is dripping disgustingly, and throws it over the bush. The witch gets up rather dizzily, and drops a key in his hand. "Cheers pet" and with that, she was gone.
Murphy runs around to the locked door, where Paddy is sitting.
"Paddy, Paddy, I got the key, we can eat, we're saved!" "Fuck the food locker" says Paddy "I want more of that corn on the cob that you've been throwing over".

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. "Private" the officer said "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses". "Warehouses!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"

HOW TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT WITH WOMEN IN THE MODERN WORLD
 
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE she is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT
She is not a BAD COOK she is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY she is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED
She is not CONCEITED she is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES
She does not GAIN WEIGHT she is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER
She does not TEASE or FLIRT she engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION
She is not DUMB she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY
She is not TOO SKINNY she is SKELETALLY PROMINENT
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE she is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS she is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT
She has not BEEN AROUND she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME she commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE
She does not GO SHOPPING she is MALL FLUENT
She is not an AIR HEAD she is REALITY IMPAIRED
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY she achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY
She is not COLD or FRIGID she is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP she has reached COSMETIC SATURATION
She does not NAG YOU she becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
She does not want to be MARRIED she wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION

A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book. The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?" The wife replied "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier". The husband said "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages.

Wow some of you really do think you are the Dog's Bollocks. Disrespect some of you show to others is Fucked Up.
Just because you are older doesn't mean you know everything.

Teacher what are they doing.. lol

In the past few months, it is apparent Members are becoming too Critical and Disrespectful to RLC Tenants. Comments being made lower the standard of RLCF and this reflects on all Members here. 
 Banter is acceptable if appropriate , but Tenants are NOT Whores, Hoes or any other derogatory terms being used. Please THINK before commenting and phrase comments with respect . 
In the past, We have expected Members to treat each other with veneration and this seems to be adhered to. It was stated long ago the Tenants are open to any critic, comment good or bad , or distasteful post.  Obviously, this ruling is obsolete and archaic . 
Please help to maintain the the reputable standard of our site - RLCF
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