Little Johnny... The Way You Think

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"

Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."

Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think."

Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"

Teacher: "Sure."

Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"

Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."

Little Johnny: "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."

Artificial Intelligence in a Bottle

Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Don't Kill Your Wife

What's up with all these guys killing their wives now? Like, every couple of weeks in the news, you see that shit -- guys killing their wives. I don't understand it. First of all, why would you kill another person, and second of all, don't they think the whole thing through? Like, how the whole thing's gonna play out? Like, 'I'm gonna kill my wife, then I'm gonna get caught, then I'm gonna go to jail, then I'm gonna get fucked in the ass.'

 LOL.

Sex Ed

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV.

Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. “Great,” said the teacher, “that's very important.”

Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. “Well, that has to do with it too,” said the teacher.

Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, “Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education.”

“Yes it does,” said Johnny, ” it taught those Indians not to fuck with John Wayne.”

Ex-Girlfriend's Parakeet

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet...oh my god, that fucking thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

Acute Pain

And there's a reason for this, why men experience pain more acutely than women -- that's because there's always part of a woman's brain thinking about shoes.

Ash Blonde

Q: How did the blonde die raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree.