A fellow was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night.  As he got well into the cemetery,  he heard a voice say,  "Mark! Mark!".

Pretending not to let it bother him,  he pulled his coat a little tighter and kept walking.  Again the voice said,  "Mark!  Mark!".  That did it.

He took off full speed and didn't stop till he was well outside the gates.  As he stopped to catch his breath,  the moon broke through the clouds enough so the could see what had been following him.

It was a dog with a hare lip.

Blonde at the Elmo Factory

A blonde who really needed a job saw an ad in the newspaper for an opening job at an Elmo factory. She applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring.

The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she really needed the money. Finally the manager hired her.

After a few hours, the manager noticed that the conveyer belt was backed up. He went downstairs to find out what was wrong.

He saw that the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager told her, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles -- not two testicles!"

Black Eyes

A little boy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned.

"What happened, my child?"

"I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye."

"Okay. But how did you get the other black eye?"

"Well, I thought I'd done something wrong. So I put her wedgie back."

Blond Father

A blond man and a brunette woman were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital, and she gave birth to two baby boys.

The blond man turned to his wife and yelled, "All right, who's the other father?"

Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?

A: The brunette -- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater?

A: A blonde trying to set fire to it.

Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate?

A: She changed her name to JKM345.

She is so blonde that when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice.

: Polygamist Wedding Vows

I promise to love, honor and cherish you -- for about two days a month.

In life there are two things to worry about:  either you are well or you are sick.  If you are well then there is nothing to worry about,  but if you are sick there are only two things to worry about:  either you get well or you die.

If you get well then there is nothing to worry about.  But if you die there are only two things to worry about:  either you will go to heaven or to hell.

If you go to heaven then there is nothing to worry about.  But if you go to hell,  you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends you won't have time to worry.