Max 2017 Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 A man sitting at a bar asked a pretty woman sitting next to him, Excuse me, but can I smell your pussy?" "Get away from me, you pervert," she replied. "Oh, I'm sorry, exclaims the man, "It must be your feet." Shadow V, King Hamlet, Conor and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max 2017 Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?" So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook, and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't fuck." Chucky, Shadow V, King Hamlet and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Stan is seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barge in holding their newborn baby. "Stop! You can't do this!" exclaims the brother. "And why not?" asks Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?" Stan says nothing. The brother grows impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle." Stan can’t take it anymore. He gives his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asks his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?" "Yes," the brother replies. "It would be an honor." "Well, congratulations, you're holding him." leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 The Little Rascal's class were having a spelling test. The teacher asks if anyone can use the word "admire" in a sentence. Spanky raises his hand and says, "I admire my dog." "Good job," the teacher replies, "Now, who can use 'respect' in a sentence?" Alfalfa raises his hand and says, "I respect Spanky for admiring his dog." "Ok, " replies the teacher, "now who can use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" There is silence in the class, then all of a sudden Buckwheat says, "Darla how did my dictate !?!" leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago." leon34 and Danny 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 A man comes home early from work and tells his wife he just got fired. He tells her, "I got caught with my penis in the pickle slicer." His wife asks him if his penis is okay and he assures her it is fine. "Well," she asks, "What happened to the pickle slicer?" "Oh," he says, "She got fired too." leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 A husband and wife are moving out of their house and are starting to box everything up. The husband finds a box under the bed, pulls it out, and looks inside, where he finds two eggs and about $8,000. He approaches the wife and asks, "What are the eggs for?" She replies, "Every time I cheat on you, I put an egg in the box." He says, "That's alright, you've only cheated on me twice. What's the money for?" The wife replies, "Every time I get a dozen, I sell them!" leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof. Danny and leon34 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Standing beside a valiant stallion, a beautiful blonde decides she must ride this animal despite having no previous riding experience. Soon, she finds herself atop the horses back, galloping through a lush green meadow. Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of her. She finds herself barely able to hang on. The startled horse is now in a dead run and the beautiful blonde finds herself hanging off to one side of the horse, head just inches from the ground.... catastrophe seconds away. She begins to frantically scream for help when all of a sudden.... Frank, the Wal-Mart security man, calmly walks up and unplugs the ride. delta10, Shadow V, Chucky and 4 others 2 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 A knight was getting ready for the crusade. He turned to his friend and told him: " My fiancée is the most beautiful girl in the world and I can't imagine her being with someone else, while I'm gone. You're my best friend and I trust you. Here's the key for her chastity belt. In case I never get back, unlock her and set her free." When the crusade knights were a mile away from the village, the knight gets an urgent message: " Mate, You Gave Me The Wrong Key! " Max 2017, Chucky and Conor 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Stan is seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barge in holding their newborn baby. "Stop! You can't do this!" exclaims the brother. "And why not?" asks Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?" Stan says nothing. The brother grows impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle." Stan can’t take it anymore. He gives his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asks his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?" "Yes," the brother replies. "It would be an honor." "Well, congratulations, you're holding him." leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 The Little Rascal's class were having a spelling test. The teacher asks if anyone can use the word "admire" in a sentence. Spanky raises his hand and says, "I admire my dog." "Good job," the teacher replies, "Now, who can use 'respect' in a sentence?" Alfalfa raises his hand and says, "I respect Spanky for admiring his dog." "Ok, " replies the teacher, "now who can use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" There is silence in the class, then all of a sudden Buckwheat says, "Darla how did my dictate !?!" leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago. leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 A man comes home early from work and tells his wife he just got fired. He tells her, "I got caught with my penis in the pickle slicer." His wife asks him if his penis is okay and he assures her it is fine. "Well," she asks, "What happened to the pickle slicer?" "Oh," he says, "She got fired too." leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers." leon34 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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