LOL

A word that gets used a lot in Forum... lol

LOL @Scotsman84. Very nice. Unfortunately, if it's none of the above, people will still post it in the forum.

One night, a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them, she immediately stop.

"What are you doing, Mommy?"

The mother is too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer: "Well Sweetie, sometimes daddy's tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out".

The little girl replies, "Well Mommy, you really shouldn't bother with that."

The mother has a confused look on her face, "Why do you say that, Sweetheart?"

The little girl replies, "Because Mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up."

So a hillbilly man sits in his rocking chair on the porch of his shack.

His daughter comes out and asks him, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?"

"Sure honey," he says, "But ya know what ya gotta do."

So she kneels down between his legs and unzips his fly.

Suddenly she snarls, "Daddy! This tastes like shit!"

The man looks startled, then explains:

"I'm sorry, I forgot. Your brother has the car."

 

A drunk stumbles out of the bar and phones the police to report that thieves had been in his car. " They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator," he cries out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rings a second time and the same voice came over the line.

" Never mind, " he said with a hiccup, " I got in the back seat by mistake. "

There was a German. an Italian and a Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die.

1. To be shot.

2. To be hung.

3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, " Shoot me right in the head. " ( Boom, he was dead instantly )

The Italian said, " Just hang me. " ( Snap, he was dead. )

Then the Redneck said, " Give me some of that AIDS stuff, " They gave him the shot, and the redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wandered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Redneck said, " Give me another one of those shots, " so the guards did.

Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over. Finally the warden said, " What is wrong with you? "

The Redneck replied, " You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom! "

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

"For what?"

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.

The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

23 hours ago, StnCld316 said:

Plenty of them in the Forum.. lol

RLC can we have these two instead..