need a laugh when rlc is dead #1

[Max 2017]

Two blind dudes are fighting viciously. How do you stop them?

You shout, " I'm betting on the dude with the knife! "

[mikeusa]

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because the woman is complaining of shortness of breath. After fifteen minutes, the woman comes out into the waiting room and says, "Apparently, my problem is that I have a nice cooter."

"Excuse me?" says the husband.

"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice cooter." The husband is a bit angry and goes in to talk to the doctor.

"What's this about my wife having a nice cooter? I need a damn good explanation."

"That's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I said she has acute angina."

[mikeusa]

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign for the YMCA?

A: "Look, they spelled Macy's wrong!"

[mikeusa]

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?

A: Prom.

[mikeusa]

: Just Be Dead

If a girl breaks up with me, I want her to just die, just be dead. Not 'cause I hate her so much as it's just easier for when my friends go, 'Hey, what happened?' 'Oh, she's dead. I'd still be with her, but she's dead. What can I do? She was loving me, but she's dead.'

[mikeusa]

Q: Why does a man's penis have a hole in it?

A: So he can get oxygen to his brain.

[Max 2017]

A lady comes home from her doctors appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, " Why are you so happy? " The wife says, " The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." " Oh yeah? " quipped her husband, " What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, " Your name never came up in the conversation. " 

[Max 2017]

A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets him up, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last one in and does the same. The bartender asks him, " Why you do that? " And the guy replies, " Well the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick! " 

[Max 2017]

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,

jack got high unzipped his fly and then they had a little fun,

Jill forgot to take the pill and now they have a son.

[Max 2017]

Jack and Jill went up the hill and planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass and grabbed her arse

Now his two front teeth are missing. 

[StnCld316]

Why is Sperm White and Piss is Yellow.

 

So you know whether you're Cumming or Going.

[mikeusa]

Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
 
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room


 

[Max 2017]

Some guy called me a tool, so I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend, guess he was right. 

 

Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?

A: The best ones squirt when you eat them. 

[Lisa]

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterwards the doctor comes into the room and says, "I have something to tell you about your child..."

The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, "What's wrong with it?"

The doctor says, "There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different! it's a hermaphrodite." 

The woman looks confused. "A hermaphrodite, What's that?"

The doctor replies, " It has both features of a male and a female."

The woman looks relieved. " What? You mean it has a penis and a brain?" 

[Scotsman84]

At school, little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's easy to blackmail them by saying, " I know the whole truth. " Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, " I know the whole truth, " His mother quickly hands him £20 and says, " Just don't tell your father " Quite pleased he waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, " I know the whole truth, " The father promptly hands him £40 and says, " Please don't say a word to your mother. "

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the postman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, " I know the whole truth, " The postman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, " Then come give your Daddy a great big hug! "