Man: Do you want to dance?

Woman: NO

Man: Sorry, I think you misheard me.. I said, you look Fat in those pants.

Mom stop you are not funny. You never make jokes.

I made You..

Gay? I'm straighter than that pole your mom dances on.

I'm not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.

 

I can't help imagining how much better the world would be if your dad had just pulled out.

 

You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

Don't have me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. 

You're so fake, Barbie is jealous. 

I'd give you a nasty look, but you already have one. 

Sorry him, but unlike you, I'm not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn. I'm more of a casino where only the lucky ones hit the jackpot. 

hi there nicechumley here my quote...hey the part of you was scraped off a whore house wall.

"You fail" So did your dad's condom.

"Better at sex than anyone? Now all you need is a partner."

Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

Don't you need a licence to be that ugly?

You are living proof that man can live without a brain!

Do yourself a favour and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.

Good story, but in what chapter do you shut the fuck up?

Were you born on a highway? That is where most accidents happen.

I was hoping for a battle of wits, but would be wrong to attack someone that is unarmed.

You'll never be the man your mom is.

On ‎04‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 11:28 PM, Lisa said:

Sorry, I can't put small objects in my mouth or I'll choke. 

Love this one Lisa