box_hunter Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 A lone sniper was about to assassinate Donald Trump. Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him. He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!" A shot rang out and Trump fell dead. As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse" 'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck!" Wazzer, Max 2017, Johnny and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great" Little Johnny replied. "Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, daddy really liked it too" exclaimed Little Johnny "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!" Danny, Wazzer and delta10 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 What is the hardest part of boiling a vegetable? Getting a pot big enough to put the wheelchair in. Johnny and Wazzer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Create an account to see this content! Danny, delta10, Wazzer and 2 others 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Create an account to see this content! Wazzer, Max 2017, Danny and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Create an account to see this content! Wazzer and Johnny 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Create an account to see this content! Danny and Max 2017 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Create an account to see this content! Wazzer and Johnny 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Create an account to see this content! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Create an account to see this content! Max 2017, Danny, Wazzer and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 A doctor tells a patient, "I've good and bad news for you. Which do you want first?" Patient, "Oh no. The bad news, please." Doctor, "It appears I have amputated the wrong foot, sorry." Patient, "And the good news?" Asks the shaken patient. Doctor grins, "There's a guy very interested in buying your shoes!" Danny and Wazzer 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car. My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgemental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine. Danny, Max 2017, Scotsman84 and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 If you need to break up with somebody, the best place is McDonald's. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forkes, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid. Scotsman84, Wazzer, delta10 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Doctor: "Mrs. Apfelbaum, your husband is very sick." Wife: "Oh no. What is it?" Doctor: "He is sick of your shit!" Scotsman84 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Two Arabs sit in the Gaza strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goats milk. One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures. "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!" The second Arab nods, "They blow up so fast, don't they?" Max 2017 and Wazzer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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