Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Preosllnay I tinhk its cmolpete nenosnese......

Two guys are sitting in a bar. One looks over at the other and asks how his sex life is going. The second guy looks at him blankly for a moment and replies" Eh, I'm having social security sex". His buddy looked puzzled for a minute then finally asks "What the hell is social security sex?" "Yeah well I get a little every month but its not enough to live on".

For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it's in a bottle of ethanol. He then asks his students if it will dissolve. A student raised his hand to answer. Student: 'No, it most definitely will not dissolve, sir.' Teacher: 'Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?' Student: 'You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20!!'

A strange woman looked through my window this morning and saw me watching porn and masturbating furiously. Thankfully after about ten seconds of shocked embarrassing silence the lights turned green.

Don't even fucking work most of the time anyway. LOL