16 hours ago, Scotsman84 said:

Lazy as fuck!

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed she had lost her top.

She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked over to get her towel.

Then a little girl came running over to her. "If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."

Q: What kind of car does a proctologist drive?

A: A brown probe!

 

Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?

A: You push them both aside when you eat.

 

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a 10 inch penis?

A: Partially disabled.

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned. "Finally, some company!" he thought. While sitting on the shore and watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go and walk the dog?"

On ‎4‎/‎4‎/‎2019 at 10:13 PM, Scotsman84 said:

There's been a damn pneumatic drill outside my house all night long!!

 

Fortunately it wasn't switched on.