Father and son in supermarket.

"Dad, what are these?"

"That's a 3 pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."

"What about the 6pack dad?"

"They are for university lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night and 2 for Sunday night."

"Well dad, what about the 12pac then?"

"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March........."

What is the closest thing to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5 - 7 days and if it doesn't come means you are fucked up.

On ‎5‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 2:45 AM, Scotsman84 said:

William especially punching above his weight.

Gina might want to invest in some of these. LOL

 

There were three boys in a classroom, one called Zip, one called Willy and one called Pea. Their teacher leaves the room for a moment, so Zip gets on top of the cupboard, Willy goes inside the cupboard and Pea jumps around outside.

The teacher returns and yells, "Zip down, Willy out, and Pea in the corner!"

There are 5 different sizes of a penis.

1. Small

2. Medium

3. Large

4. Oh my god!

5. Holy Fuck! Does that come in white?

 

A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis. His doctor tells him to ease the pain try dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, the mans blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.

"Good heavens!" She remarks "Always wondered how you reloaded those things!"

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon. The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?" The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?' So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face". The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye?" "Turns out we watch different movies".

A born-and-bred New Yorker is in the country when he sees a field of animals and says to the farmer. "What a strange looking cow. Why doesn't it have horns?" "Well, there are several reasons" the farmer replies "Some cows get their horns late, while others have their horns cut off, and still others never even grow horns". "And this cow?" the city man asks. "Well, the reason this cow doesn't have any horns is that it's a horse".