need a laugh when rlc is dead #2

[Scorpio 22]

4 hours ago, Johnny said:

Can start a new game called guess how many times the word "wonder" was or will be used by chatters in a 24hr period.

Wonder what the amount would be lol 

 

They sure like to wonder. Wonder who will be next to mention the word! Lmao 

[Scotsman84]

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[box_hunter]

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

[box_hunter]

My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his surname. When she asked for his department, I said I didn't know. "There are 1500 employees in this building, sir" she advised me rather curtly. After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name. "Danielle" she said. "And your last name?" I asked. "Sorry" she replied "we don't give out last names".

[box_hunter]

My daughter's school teacher rang me today saying "Young Sarah didn't turn up for school today". "I know, her mother died yesterday" I replied "She won't be back for a while". "I'm sorry to hear that" he sighed "How's she getting on?" Very well" I replied "She's on her third load of laundry and has already prepared dinner".

[box_hunter]

On 7/15/2019 at 1:58 AM, Scotsman84 said:

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Donald Trump meets with the Queen. He asks her "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well" says the Queen "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people".
Trump frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle".
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Theresa May in here, would you?"
Theresa May walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Theresa. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Theresa answers "That would be me".
"Yes! Very good" says the Queen.
Back at the White House, Trump asks to speak with Vice President Mike Pence.
"Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure" says the Vice President. "Let me get back to you on that one".
Mike Pence goes to his advisers and asks everyone, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognises General McMasters' shoes in the next stall.
Mike shouts "General! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and your father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?
General McMaster yells back "That's easy. It's me!"
Mike Pence smiles. "Thanks!" and goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Trump.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's General McMaster".
Trump gets up, stomps over to Mike Pence, and angrily yells into his face "No, you idiot! It's Theresa May!"

[Scorpio 22]

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Trump. The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank you note to the Lord.

It said, Dear Lord. Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

[RUBBERMAN]

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[box_hunter]

A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when their baby was born "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son". The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a fucking photocopier".

[box_hunter]

An Australian, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scot are captured by the Iraqis. The Iraq troop leader says "We're going to shoot you, but we will give you one last request".

He says to the Welshman "What's your last request?" The Welshman says "I want a thousand Welshman singing 'Land of my Fathers'".

"What about you?" he says to the Scotsman. "I want a thousand Scots pipers piping Scotland the brave" says the Scot.

"What's your last request?" he says to the Irishman. "I want a thousand Irishman doing the Riverdance" says Paddy.

Turning to the Australian, he says "And your last request?" The Aussie says "For fucks sake mate, shoot me first!"

[box_hunter]

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[Scorpio 22]

The Ferrari F1 Racing Team recently fire the whole pit crew to employ some young unemployed youths from Liverpool.

The decision to hire them was brought on by a documentary on how unemployed youths in the Liverpool area can remove a set of car wheels in less than four seconds without proper equipment.

This was thought to be a good move as most races are won and lost in the pits these days, and Ferrari would thus have an advantage.

However, Ferrari soon encountered a major problem: Not only were the lads changing the tires in under four seconds, but within another ten seconds had also repainted, renumbered, and sold the vehicle to the Mercedes team.