On ‎10‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 8:03 PM, Scotsman84 said:

Never tried my own piss, but can be any worse than Bud lol.

A man and his sheep walk into a bar. Its about 5pm, but they are ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shots, one after another. Finally the bartender shouts, "Last orders." So the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my sheep."  Suddenly, the sheep falls over dead. The man throws some money the bar, puts his coat on and starts to leave. The bartender yells, "Hey buddy, you can't leave that lyin there." To which the man replies, "That's not a lion, that's a sheep."

Three old timers at the retirement home were complaining about growing old. The first one says, "I wake up at 7:00am and try for half an hour to take a shit. The second one says, "Oh yeah? I spend an hour trying to take a piss." The third one says, "I take a nice shit at 7:00am and about 7:30am take a nice piss." The other two guys look at him and ask, "What are you complaining about?" The third man explains, "I don't wake up till 8:30am."

There once was a man called Sweeney.

He spilled some gin on his weenie.

That being uncouth.

He dipped it in vermouth.

And slipped his wife a dry martini.

Mom looks impressed. LOL