Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and asked him, "Little Johnny, how would you want your wife to be like". and he answered, "Like the moon". And the teacher replied, "That's such a beautiful answer, because its calm and peaceful?". And Little Johnny said, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning".

A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said, "You know we have been good about our diet, lets have a cheat night tonight". The wife came home with KFC and Wendys. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.

 

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a penis on it.

 

What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife? The first is easier to bury.

We've done a survey on how people walk home from the pub. The results are staggering.

A boy comes home from school at 7pm, His dad says "where were you?" "I was with Jessica". He replied. "What were you doing?" "We were studying". After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely". Dad replies "Wash your hands son - they're doughnuts!"