Blonde Jokes

[Scorpio 22]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help her with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then.......... Let's put all these Frosties back in the box." 

[Scorpio 22]

Teacher announces to the class. "Your math test was really bad. 32% of you got an F."

Blonde Chloe shouts in outrage. "Ha, that can be right. There's not even that many of us in the class!"

 

Santa Claus, a blonde with an IQ over 100 and a normal blonde are walking along the street. Suddenly they see a 100 dollar bill lying on the ground. Who will pick it up first?

Answer: Nobody. Santa Claus doesn't really exist, not does the blonde with an IQ over 100. And the normal blonde thinks the bill is a run-over frog.

[Scotsman84]

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[Scotsman84]

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[Wizard]

There's 1 redhead, 1 brunette and 1 blonde. They are all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician, "I want to go to the Moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says, "I want to go to Mars. He says she can go next week. The blonde says, "I want to go to the Sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?". The blonde replies, "Well then I'll go at night."

[Wizard]

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she decides to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, then puts the video in her VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner'". 

[box_hunter]

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.

"Okay" the sheriff drawled "What is 1 and 1?" "Eleven" she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself "That's not what I meant, but she's right". Then the sheriff asked "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?". "Today and tomorrow" replied the blonde.

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?" asked the sheriff. The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted "I don't know". The sheriff replied "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlour, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

The blonde was exultant.

"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

[Vaz]

A blonde mam marries his girlfriend who is also blonde. It's their first honeymoon night and the man doesn't quite know what to do. He calls his dad, who says, "Son, you take the hardest thing you got and put it where she goes to the bathroom." The newlywed thanks his dad, hangs up the phone, and places his bowling ball in the toilet. 

[Vaz]

One shark says to the other: "I ate a diver last week. I'm still sick from all the plastic." The other shark waves a fin: "That's nothing. I ate a blonde last week. She was such an airhead I still can't dive."

 

A blonde goes to court. Eventually the judge says, "I hereby declare the case closed. There is not enough evidence that you stole the $10,000." The blonde is thrilled: "Gosh, so does that mean I can keep the money?" 

[Scotsman84]

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[Vaz]

A blonde girl has a mirror in her closet.

One night she wakes up to per and on her way wants to take something from the closet, opens the door and sees herself. She slams the door shut quickly and calls the cops, saying she's got a burglar in the house who's hiding in her closet.

The cops arrive quickly, get to the closet and open the door. They stare at it for a while and then one turns on the blonde all angry, saying, "Do you know the punishment for abusing emergency response? Why did you call us when our colleagues are already here?!" 

[mikeusa]

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

[mikeusa]

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

[mikeusa]

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

[mikeusa]

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"