mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved. Vaz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is six foot two, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is six foot five, pushing 300, and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it." Wizard 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing." delta10 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!" delta10 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken." delta10 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you. Vaz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe. Scorpio 22 and delta10 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!" Wizard and delta10 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeusa Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides, on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow V Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead that were going on vacation to a native island. The brunette brought a portable fridge with her. The redhead asked her, "Why are you carrying a fridge with you?" The brunette replies, "To keep all our food in." The redhead is carrying a shotgun with her. The brunette asks, "Why do you have that shotgun?" The redhead says, "Just incase we run out of food, we can kill something to eat." The blonde is carrying a car door with her. They both ask the blonde, "Why are you carrying a car door?" The blonde replies, "Just in case it gets too hot, I can roll the window down." Johnny, Wizard and Vaz 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow V Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 Blonde inventions: 1. The waterproof towel 2. Solar powered flashlight 3. Submarine screen door 4. A book on how to read 5. Inflatable dart board 6. A dictionary index 7. Ejector seat for a helicopter 8. Powdered water 9. Pedal powered wheel chair 10. Waterproof tea bag Scorpio 22, Vaz, Wizard and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Doctor to a blonde nurse, "Did you take the patient's temperature?" Nurse, "No. Why is it missing?" Doctor. "You look exhausted." Blonde. "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it." Scorpio 22, Vaz and Shadow V 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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