Max 2017

Two old woman are sitting in a café. Margaret says to Ethel, " Did you come on the bus? " Ethel replies, " Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack. " I've tried to help childless couples by making anonymous donations of my sperm. However, I've been told I should really be doing this through a clinic and not straight through their letterboxes. A bloke pulls a Chinese lass at a club. She says, " me so horny, me do anything for you. " Bloke says, " how about a 69? " She says, " you fuck off, me no cooking at this time of night! "

1 can of petrol, 202 gas bottles, 42.501 Cherokee jeep, 2000 watching two terrorists burn alive.... Priceless One of the Glasgow terror suspects has died from his injuries. His condition has been described as satisfactory. Police have named the suspect in Glasgow airport bombing as Singe Majeep.

Stephen Hawkins had a hot date last night.. She stood him up.. And he immediately fell on the floor. Stephen Hawkins has written a new book: Around the house in eighty days. My girlfriend said she wanted to make me happy in the bedroom. So now the bedroom has Sky Sports, A Fridge full of beer and she sleeps on the couch. I see there is a big football match on tonight Russia v Sweden. Apparantly it's got citizens from both nations totally gripped. Which would explain why most of London's prostitutes have taken the night off...

Kerry Katona has been awarded substantial damages over newspaper claims she worked as a prostitute before she was famous. Summing up, the judge said, " This story was clearly untrue. Who on earth would pay to fuck that fat bitch? " How was the Grand Canyon formed? A Scotsman lost a tenner down a rabbit hole. I helped an old lady across the road this morning.. but did her old man a favour and left him on the other side. An old man is kneeling by the bed. His wife says, " What are you praying for? " He replies, " Guidance. " She says, " Pray for stiffness, I'll fucking guide it in myself!"

One time you had to pull a womans knickers down to see her arse. These days you have to open her arse to see her knickers.. Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers. " Since when do you wear womens pants? " "Since my wife found them in my glove compartment!" I feel sorry for Kerry Katona and her bankruptcy. I know how she feels as I was made bankrupt last week. I never stood a chance, my opponent had hotels on Park Lane and Mayfair and houses on Bond Street, Oxford Street and Regent Street.

For years, men and women have argued over which is more painful: Being kicked in the bollocks, or giving birth. So how can we reach an answer? Well put it this way. About a year after a couple's first child, a woman will say " Lets have another baby " But I challenge you to find a man, who one year on, will turn to his mate and say " Tell you what, Dave... kick me in the bollocks again.

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings bought me one of those mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead I've invented a new game. You get a group of Pikeys and lock them in a cellar for a month without any food. It's called Hungry Hungry Gyppos. My wife left me a week last Monday She said she was going for a bottle of milk and I've not seen her since. Everyone keeps asking if I am managing ok, but i'll be fine, I found some of that powdered stuff in the back of the cupboard.

Nipples.

My dream woman has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is most importantly, too naïve to know she's way out of my league.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. A blonde said, " I was worried that my mechanic might try and rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid. "

That one liner " I'm not drinking too much tonight " never goes as planned.. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast... I grew a beard thinking it would say " Distinguished Gentleman. " Instead, turns out it says, " Senior Discount, Please! "

Good to see IIona and Tim enjoying there Vacation.

Loose your hand doing that.. haha

Wonder how she is feeling today lol

Yeah the main chat is about the girls even when they are not home

She is one dirty. Sucked drew while the guy visiting fucked her.

Dumb & Dumber.

Never had that problem.

Agree the pets are not the ones with issues and cleaner than most of them.

Bacon & Egg Roll

2017/18 Chelsea.

You can see more happen in Anna & Alex Apartment in one day than you can in a week at RLC Apartments.

Most give the younger generation a bad name, seems many of there friends are the same. Maybe just different way of being raised.

Most of them do act like kids so the cartoons shouldn't be a surprise. lol

Go out and have fun and enjoy where we are... No let's stay in and play card games wtf.

Hooker.