My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
I always wanted to marry an Archaeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!
I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!
WiFi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn't know who he was.
Today, my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" And I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
If 2 guys are having sex and the house catches on fire. Who gets out first, the guy on top of the guy on the bottom? The guy on the bottom cause he's already got his shit packed.