box_hunter

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.
The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact" he pointed out "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it" he replied.
"In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch".

"That wife of mine is a liar!" said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley". "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.
The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact" he pointed out "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it" he replied.
"In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch".

I went to the bottlo Monday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Jim Beam and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Jim Beam before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger".
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know" said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay" she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says "Hmmm, I have no idea".
To which the little girl replies "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know crap?"
And then she went back to reading her book.

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger".
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know" said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay" she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says "Hmmm, I have no idea".
To which the little girl replies "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know crap?"
And then she went back to reading her book.

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger".
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know" said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay" she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says "Hmmm, I have no idea".
To which the little girl replies "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know crap?"
And then she went back to reading her book.

"That wife of mine is a liar!" said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley". "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

As Blonde as One Could be.  It's a Tesla.
Yup_She's_Blonde_-_It's_a_Tesla.mp4

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger".
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know" said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay" she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says "Hmmm, I have no idea".
To which the little girl replies "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know crap?"
And then she went back to reading her book.

"That wife of mine is a liar!" said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley". "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

"That wife of mine is a liar!" said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley". "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

"That wife of mine is a liar!" said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley". "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

A man and his wife were awakened at 3am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband "it is 3 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push" he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's well pouring with rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunk people too you know".
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes" comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing" replied the drunk.

The Hell's Angels bikers were riding through London when they saw a girl about to jump off tower bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says "Hey Baby... what you doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive' George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked "Well, before you jump... why don't you give 'ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the police officer. "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, that's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Tits. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl".
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

"That wife of mine is a liar!" said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley". "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

The Hell's Angels bikers were riding through London when they saw a girl about to jump off tower bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says "Hey Baby... what you doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive' George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked "Well, before you jump... why don't you give 'ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the police officer. "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, that's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Tits. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl".
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again!
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The bishop was buried the next day.

A man and his wife were awakened at 3am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband "it is 3 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push" he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's well pouring with rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunk people too you know".
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes" comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing" replied the drunk.

The value of a Good Vocabulary: I called an old mate and asked what he was doing. He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment". I was very impressed. Upon further inquiry, I learned he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.

"That wife of mine is a liar!" said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley". "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

best resolution ever

This is one tech savvy mum

The Hell's Angels bikers were riding through London when they saw a girl about to jump off tower bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says "Hey Baby... what you doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive' George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked "Well, before you jump... why don't you give 'ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the police officer. "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, that's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Tits. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl".
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.