need a laugh when rlc is dead #1

[Scotsman84]

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

" You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

" No, no no!" said the man. " I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.

I've been trying to do that for years! "

[Scotsman84]

Two ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain.

One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette.

The other lady said, " Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?"

The lady responded, " It's a condom."

The other lady said, " Where can you get one of those?"

She said, " Oh, just about any grocery or drug store."

So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier and said, " I need to get some condoms."

The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, " UH, what size?"

The lady responded, " Hmmm, one that would fit a camel."

[Scotsman84]

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[Scotsman84]

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[RUBBERMAN]

Do you know what was happening 167 years ago this fall...back in 1850?

California became a state

The people had no electricity 

The state had no money

Almost everyone spoke Spanish

There were gunfights in the streets

So basically nothing has changed except the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.

[Scotsman84]

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[mikeusa]

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

[mikeusa]

A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor. As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father. They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine. The doctor starts it off at 20% split towards the father. The wife says, "Oh, that's actually better." The husband says he can't feel anything. Then the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn't hurt nearly as much. The husband says he sill can't feel anything. The Doctor, now encouraged, turns it up to 100%. The husband still can't feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her. The baby is born. The couple go home and find the postman groaning in pain on the doorstep.

[mikeusa]

A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, "It's my husband, you have to leave!" The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something. He goes back to the house and says to the woman, "Wait, I'm your husband!" She replies giving him a dirty look, "So why did you run?"