Rob1 Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." Scotsman84, Alexander1951 and Robwin 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowArt Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?†The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.†The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.†The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?†“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.†Scotsman84 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowArt Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves.†Scotsman84 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowArt Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.†Scotsman84 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I asked my wife for breakfast in bed.... She told me to sleep in the kitchen Alexander1951 and Sketch 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Two men are hunting Buffalo. One put his ear to the ground He lifted his head up and said " Buffalo Come " The other said " How do you Know? " " Ear sticky " Max 2017 and toolmaker123 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 My Girlfriend has twelve breasts. It seems kind of freaky, dozen-tit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowArt Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" asks the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons!†box_hunter and Scotsman84 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowArt Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 box_hunter and Scotsman84 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowArt Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them. The Chief comes up to him and asks: - What do you want for your first wish? - I want talk to my horse, - replies the cowboy. The Chief allows him to talk to the horse. The cowboy whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. The Chief asks him once again: - What do you want for your second wish? - I want to talk to my horse, - once again replies the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later. The chief comes up to the cowboy and asks: - So, what do you want for your last third wish? - I want to talk to my horse, - for the third time replies the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells @ it: - You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE not PUSSY!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowArt Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 An American businessman is entertaining some overseas business guests on the golf course. The first guest, who is from Italy, tees off and hits a good shot 200 yards down the fairway. As the American businessman knows a small amount of Italian he says: “Buon tiroâ€, which means “Good shotâ€. The Italian businessman replies: “Grazieâ€. The second guest, who is from France, tees off and hits a fantastic shot that lands on the green thirty feet from the hole. As the American businessman knows a small amount of French he says: “Tir fantastiqueâ€, which means “Fantastic shotâ€. The French businessman replies: “Merciâ€. The third guest, who is from Japan, tees off and amazingly the ball goes straight in the hole, a hole in one! The American businessman doesn’t know many Japanese words or phrases but when he dated a Japanese girl during his overseas business trips she used to moan when he made love to her and she would shout out “Ura-ana, ura-anaâ€, and which he repeats to his Japanese guest. The Japanese businessman replies: “What do you mean, wrong hole?†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 Watch for trannys in the Mens Rooms now!! Sketch 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowArt Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "That's a good piece of fir." "Correct, says the manager, now try this one." "Thats a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager. With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused, says the blind man, Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, youre trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. Its the shit house door off a tuna boat!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowArt Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 A man and woman have been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights of when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said " I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, " Explain the kids!" CowArt, Max 2017, Sketch and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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